Back on track

About time...
     So I can comfortably say this was a good week. After having what feelings like several not so good weeks, all I can say is it's about freakin time! Was down 4 pounds this week. Takes me to 53.6 pounds overall. It also takes me down into another news set of numbers...I do love when that happens. I have attached my chart as well, it helps me put it into perspective and realize that I have come a long way.

More to come...
     Later on today or tomorrow (my parents are visiting this weekend) I am going to remeasure everything and do some new stats...I'm interested to find out how much things have changed since the last time.

Ketosis good news

The good news...
    I do at least seem to be back into a state of ketosis. I still don't know why I ceased that last week, but as long as I am back in and stay there I'm ok!

Away all weekend AGAIN! Advice needed on Protein Sparing Modified Fast!

All freakin' weekend...
     So I was away all weekend again! This made weighing myself difficult, however, I will estimate my loss last week at one pound...which let's be honest, that sucks! I am not happy. I do have a factor or two coming into play, starting with the fact that it was just crappy timing in terms of which part of the month it was, I don't think I need to elaborate.

Back to basics...
     That being said, the past few days I have been doing quite well getting back to the basics I think. Sticking to a more stringent diet, so hopefully I will be able to see that this Friday...if not, I am afraid of what might happen. Because quite frankly, I am NOT going to make myself miserable with this diet if I am not going to continue to lose significant amounts of weight from it.

Help: advice and suggestions welcome!
     Which comes to my next point. I would really love to hear from anyone who has done, or is doing this diet and what that did/plan to do in the re-feeding phase. My current plans are to start the re-feeding process when I am about 15 pounds away from my goal. My rationale for this is that I will not go too crazy as I begin to add carbs back into my diet. I will be adding them in slowly and since I will still want to finish up the last little bit, I will be able to stay motivated to keep it in check and healthy.
     I also plan on running again as soon as I start putting carbs back into the diet, so hopefully that will help too. Again ANY suggestions would be much appreciated!

Arg!

So I just realized in the frenzy of the past weekend I forgot to post Friday! So quick update...two more pounds down. So as usual, good thing, but still doesn't quite feel good enough.

Now for the crappy news! I appear to have snapped out of ketosis! What the heck?! So I'm going to do the best I can over the next few days to get back into it and hope for the best...

Will update (hopefully less angry and frustrated) on Friday!

Side note...

No more complaining...ok, at least LESS complaining...
     I am thoroughly boring myself with the complaining and it has apparently going on longer than I thought. I was reviewing some posts and for at least 3 weeks I have been saying how "The past two weeks have been rough."
     So, I think I need to find my way out of the self-pity pit of despair and join the rest of the miserable real dieting world. Let's be honest, no one is going to say it's fun, but hell, if it keeps working, I will keep on, keep truckin' (Old School anyone?).

Save me from this temptation!

Temptation served with a side of guilt....
     Temptation is all around... Seriously, ALL around! Today was the worst! I have been claiming how the past couple weeks have been a little more difficult and I have been wanting regular food more, but today was by far the worst. I baked a cake for my husband (tomorrow is International Food Day at his work). It actually turned out pretty cool. I made a red velvet cake and gave it a raspberry jam-ish filling by poking holes throughout the cake and pouring it in. Then I made a cool whip/cream cheese frosting and my husband topped it off with blueberries and raspberries creating a Union Jack flag. He is proud to be British! :o)
     Now to the bad part. I was so flustered this morning, running around like crazy trying to pack us up to take the kids to my parents' for the week/weekend. I had to go to the store to get the ingredients for the cake, etc. Plus the general fact that pretty much everything is a production with two kids (3 and under).
     So here I am amidst my chaos, trying to ignore the glorious smell of the cake batter, when I did it. Looking back on it, it's like slow motion. I see it happening, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I licked the spoon. I think there was some part of me (given that I haven't put myself in a position to bake a cake since I have been on the diet) that just instinctually licked the spoon. But then, it's like something happens to you. Your body recognizes the sugar instantly and wants more! It was horribly wonderful of course.
     I mean, I haven't had anything that wonderful tasting near my mouth in months, then all of the sudden there it is and I am losing self control, and quick.... Oh man... needless to say I did stop, but not until I had licked the spoon a few times and then I felt miserably guilty.

But for two glorious minutes I remembered what it felt like to be human...

*I personally like my added touch of the disposable pan...I won't be back home for 5 days...just imagine the sheer bitterness of scrubbing a 5-day-old cake pan. Let's be honest, it would have gotten tossed anyway!

NEGLECT!

Struggle and Neglect...
     It has come to my attention (via a few emails) that I am neglecting my blogging responsibilities. I could give a lot of excuses for this (like my two kids and million things to do), however I really think that I am just really struggling the past couple weeks. (Not to be too repetitive!) I would give anything for a donut or some Ben & Jerry's right now!! As usual, I haven't cheated, but I am an awful person to be around this weekend especially (just ask my husband).

Small losses...
     I am seriously considering changing my weigh day to Saturdays. It always seems like I am significantly lighter on Saturday mornings vs. Friday mornings...don't know what that's about. Regardless, my weigh day was reasonable...lost two pounds. Would probably help my attitude to have a higher loss though...when I feel like I'm really struggling then don't have a significant loss it makes it a lot harder to keep my motivation up. (Still grateful overall though of course...up to 46.5 lbs.)

Next Friday...
     I think that next Friday I will do my usual update (and I will make a concerted effort to be more attentive to my blog) and I think I will also update my other stats again. I like doing that occasionally too because its just more numbers you get to see changing!

Joke...
     I was just rereading my July 1st post...HA! Obviously I still have gotten up the motivation to live up to that post!

I'm hungry!!!

Mid-diet crisis...
     I'm still not sure if it's that I am half-way through my diet and starting to have a slightly less strict mindset because I'm actually starting to know a difference, or if my body is telling me that it's sick of this shit... whatever the reason, I am really struggling.

Clearly unmotivated...
     I have lost some element of motivation that I had before. I started writing this post two or three days ago! I don't know what my issue is. I haven't stopped the diet or anything, but I, as I said before, am REALLY struggling. I desperately want to be done, but I feel like I am not even close. Feeling a little depressed too. Don't know what I need to do to get out of this funk, but I wish the solution would present itself soon, I really don't want to screw this up.

Weigh day...
     On a slightly more positive note, today was weigh day and I lost 3.6 lbs. Brings my total to 44.5 lbs. Every day I get closer, yet every day it seems like my goal is an eternity away.

*God, could I sound anymore sullen today? Ick. Maybe a Noreen visit would help :o)

Weigh day again (after a long silence!)

New beginnings...

Ok, so this was my worst of all worst weeks. I did lose, but only 1.7 lbs. So I have made a decision. As of now, I am going to go back to the start of my diet and follow it word for word. I never had anything that wasn't allowed on my diet, but I definitely became more lax about eyeballing things instead of weighing and had more cheese servings.
So, from now on I am back to basics to see if I can give myself another jumpstart on this diet. I am approximately half way through so I don't want to lose my momentum yet (which I sort of have).

I will be weighing my 13 oz. of protein and I will be strict about everything I eat so that it matches the diet 100%.

This will also include a post every day -- I will be using this to keep track of my food and probably to bitch a little bit! :op
---I should note though, my daily posts will not start until Monday/Tuesday. My whole family will be at my house this weekend and realistically I am not going to have the time or energy to do much!!

On that note I am off on a cleaning spree at the moment so see you Monday/Tuesday and every day after that! I am still determined to reach my goal, even if I start feeling better about myself! (God willing!)

Weigh Day again

Not too shabby...
     Well, this was a pretty decent week. I lost 3.6 lbs I am however a little disappointed...My next benchmark was going to be 40 lbs and this week's loss took me to 39.2, a stinkin' eight-tenths of a pound away! How frustrating! Oh, well, I guess I can't complain too much...just frustrating to come so close!

No Sleep...
     I swear I haven't had a decent night's sleep in 3 years (make that 4 - pregnancy is just as bad for sleep as babies). But the past week has been hellish! I'm trying to get my one-year-old to sleep in his new crib and it has turned out to be quite the exhausting ordeal. This is not helping make my PSMF easier either. When I am constantly up that late at night I am seriously craving chocolate! I swear if I were a sleep walker I would probably be walking to the nearest store with almond joys!

Half way point...
     So I am around what I had considered the half-way point of my diet. When I made my progress charts I made them for twenty weeks and I am currently at week ten.  I can't figure out if I am reaching a slump (in terms of motivation) or just the opposite. Some days I feel so FREAKING sick of eating protein and vegetables and NOTHING else. And some days I feel super motivated by the fact that I am finally noticing a difference in terms of clothes size etc. Think I need some more motivation. Any suggestions?

Other stats...

Other promising statistics and numbers...


BMI: my bmi is down six points

Size: sometimes it's hard to tell this accurately because of the difference in stores etc. But, it seems like my clothes size went down about three sizes. My bra size also appears to have gone down, they are also much more flattering (slightly less pudge to stick out!)

Inches: Overall (if I am adding them up the correct way) I have lost 21.5 inches. 2 per thigh, 1.25 per calf, 6 in my waist, 4 on my hips, 1 per bicep, 3 on my chest.

Weigh day let down...

Down, but not much...
     So I clearly jinxed myself yesterday, but I thought I was having a particularly good week because when I weighed myself yesterday morning I was down quite a bit. However, I was about 1.2 pounds heavier this morning than yesterday morning...that has not happened since I started this diet. I always consistently go down day to day, or at the very least stay the same...never went up though.
     Either way, my loss for this week was 2.9 lbs. I figure that's not too bad either considering my last weigh day was actually Sunday, so I only had 5 days, instead of the usual seven. Will probably weigh myself on Sunday too, just to see what the full week would have brought me. Today's weight will remain my official count for the week though.

Running total: 35.6 pounds

Weigh day tomorrow!

Friday morning is nearly here (duh-duh-duhhhhh)...
     Feeling pretty positive about tomorrow morning's weigh in. Had a good clothes week I guess...went into American Eagle for the first time in years and fit comfortably in a pair of their jeans (and not the biggest size they offer either!)
     Fingers crossed things go as well as hoped!

No Sleep....

Three days...
     So for the past three days I haven't really been sleeping. This poses a particular problem with my diet because then I not only have to fight hunger pangs and carb cravings all day long, but then in the middle of the night as well when, let's be honest, inhibitions are lowered anyway. It's been rough, especially last night when I literally didn't sleep AT ALL!
     And I would not admit to this if not for the saving grace of the anonymity of blogging, but in my sleepless hungry hours I have watched the entire series of Wildfire! I think I actually had an addiction. Just finished the last episode this morning. So of course last night I was sitting on the couch bawling my eyes out most of the night. It is a very dramatic show...

No cheating...
     Regardless of my hopeless battle with hunger and cravings I have managed not to cheat. I have only Diet Mountain Dew and cigarettes to thank for that though (and my very supportive husband)! Those are healthy ways of fighting food cravings right? :op

So Hungry... Day 61

Being back home does not equal easier diet...

     So, I really did think that being back home would make being on my diet easier. Not so much. I want to eat EVERYTHING right now. I know I'm still not really settled in, I mean I haven't even been back a week and the weekend was full of birthday parties and lots of visitors, but holy cow this week has been rough. I mean, I have never found the smell of cereal so ridiculously appealing! Every morning when I feed Liam his cereal I am practically drooling... what I wouldn't give for a carbalicious bowl of Captain Crunch! Haha. Oh well...

The good part...

     The good thing is that I seem to be able to notice a slight drop in weight every morning. Which, I am not sure that I was able to do in London. Although I couldn't exactly read the scale properly so who knows! Either way it's the only thing keeping me going on this hellish no-carb regimen. 

32 lbs and going strong (I hope!)...

Update

Delay...
     Well apparently the past two weigh days have been Sundays. Between not having a scale in Paris and then coming home and feeling very bloated...well you get the point. This week it will be Friday as usual though. I am home, my first weekend full of catching up and my son's birthday party is over. I can finally find some routine and stability in my days.
     Hopefully this will only help my weight loss. In the mean time my most recent weight loss was 2.1 lbs. Bringing me to 32.7.

Hopefully I will have more time to blog this week....did I mention how happy I am to be home :o)

Blah...

Home Sweet Home
     So I am finally home! And thrilled to be home, but feeling very blah! So tired and well, just blah!! Didn't weigh myself this morning out of self-preservation. I feel very bloated due to traveling and didn't want to screw myself over by weighing myself while retaining water. I can't handle a downer right now!
    I will weigh myself tomorrow morning though. Hoping for the best, but still don't know what the difference in scales will be, etc. So....
     We shall see I guess.

Late weigh day

Another guesstimate...
     Once again I had no one to read the scale for me, so it was another guess, between 3 & 4 lbs. lost, so I will stick with the lower (3) just in case! Brings my total to just over 30 lbs. Can't figure out what is wrong with me though! I just can't get excited about that. I think it's because on one of the charts I have made (I have two) I have written down how much weight I want to lose and I see that big number and think that no other number matters much in comparison...

Survived Paris...
     I can't even believe I survived my whole Paris trip without eating anything non-diet.  My three-year-old's behavior was horrendous to the point he had me in tears (a lot). I'm sure if you have read any of my previous blogs you know that his behavior since we began our month in London has slowly taken away all his manners and his behavior has gotten worse. However, our trip to Paris was the most horrifying, mortifying, ungodly experience I've ever had.
     Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed as much of my trip as possible, but he threw fits (in public) that I have never witnessed on any child before. He actually smacked me in the face...that has never happened in his whole life until he started getting too spoiled and allowed to get away with anything in London. It is so frustrating because I don't know how to cope with this kind of behavior, I have never HAD to deal with this kind of behavior. I am totally lost.
     Anyway, the point to all of this was that I survived being around wonderfully delicious food 24/7 while being beyond stressed and I didn't touch any of it! I at least feel proud of myself for that (and also a little sad!)...I was in Paris and didn't get to have ANY French food...no croissant, no chocolates, nothing...

Sigh...

Weigh Day come and gone...

No scale...
     So here I am in France and by the grace of God alone have managed to stick to my diet. Every where I go I smell wonderful pastries and other delicious foods! And to make it worse...this has been the worst trip ever with the kids. I am enjoying myself here, but the kids' behavior has been absolutely appalling. I am embarrassed every time we are out and horrified by the time I get back to the house. I can't wait to get home and get them back to normal. They are NOT this poorly behaved all the time and I don't even know where to start when addressing it!
     Anyway...can't do my weigh day today because I don't have a scale, so I guess I will just weigh myself when I get back on Sunday morning and go with that number as my estimate.

Until then...
     Until Sunday, I will be off to the Louvre and the Paris Aquarium. Did a little shopping and site seeing, now I get to do what I was most excited about! Yay! And hopefully the aquarium will keep the kids very occupied because I don't know how much more of this behavior I can handle without losing my mind!!

Day 47 of my PSMF (Protein Sparing Modified Fast)

Progress...
     So, I guess I should feel really happy with my progress overall. I have been on the fast for a little over six weeks and I am down (as of last weigh-in) just under 30 lbs. Not really sure though how that will pan out once I am back in the States...the scale here at my in-law's (in London) absolutely sucks! I can barely read what my weight is, and because it is first and foremost measured in stones, then kilos, THEN pounds, I literally need someone else to read the scale while I'm on it to get an accurate reading. And since my husband has abandoned me here in London, I have to just take the best guess. I have been assuming the lesser number (in terms of pounds lost) just in case.
     It has definitely been harder here too, not just the food...which I have stuck to the food I need to, but it is more difficult with measurements. But, by far the hardest thing is not being able to drink. Let me preface this by saying: I am not a big drinker, I would even go as far to say I rarely drink when I'm at home (in the states). However, I am in London, where pub culture is everywhere, plus I am staying with my in-laws with my one year old and three year old... in other words, I'm super stressed!!
     So, basically I am saying that I have had the occasional glass of wine, but I think, all things considered, I have done pretty well! I'm sure to some extent it has slowed my weight loss, but I can accept that. Especially since I know that once I'm back at home I will go back to my routine with food, no drinking, and lesssssss stress!

To Paris...
     So tomorrow morning I am off to Paris with the kids to meet a friend! Excited to meet up with her and hang out in the city for a few days, but still a little stressed about traveling alone with them. I realize that this trip will be a piece of cake compared to flying back to the states with them by myself, but I'm still anxious about it.

Jusqu'à Paris ... Au revoir! 
(Thank you Google Translate)

Weigh Day...Third of four in London...

Slowin' down...
     Still hate this scale...Not really certain what my weight loss is for the week, but my guess is 2-3 lbs. It would seem that is another slow down. Although, really I have myself to blame. I have still been sticking to the diet (no foods eaten that aren't listed), but I have also not been AS careful with the portions because I don't have a food scale here and have been guessing a lot.
     And probably more importantly, there is the fact that I have indulged in wine a couple of times since I have been here. It was necessary though, so I guess I just have to suck it up and accept that my weight loss will start speeding up again in a couple weeks when I get home (I miss home!!)

Worth it...
     Went out with an old friend last night and shared a couple bottles of wine. GREAT time! I so needed it! I could not have had a worse day if I had planned it to be bad! I had the kids to myself, so I planned (in great detail) a day out at the London Aquarium, London Eye, and the Thames River Cruise. The night before I had packed our lunches, got the back pack all set up with diapers, wipes, and toys. I knew which bus to take, etc.
     What actually happened was: The bus took SO long to get their that by the time I got us into the aquarium I realised I had to get us back out again so that we wouldn't miss our 12:45 river cruise (which I had planned at that time so I could give the kids lunch on the boat.
     It took 45 minutes to find my way out of that damn aquarium! I got completely lost! We missed our boat so had to been rescheduled for the 1:45 one. This meant eating lunch outside on the wet tables (did I mention this was the first day it decided to PISS down rain)!
     So we had just enough time to eat lunch and for the kids to get bored and cranky before we got on the boat...then I was completely mortified by these freshly spoiled kids during our boat ride! I know grandparents are supposed to spoil kids, but my kids were never spoiled, in fact I was always proud of how well behaved they were in public...I always made a big effort for them to be respectful and polite. Their behavior has taken a complete 180 since we have been here though...I have so much damage control when I get home!
    Anyway...ended up skipping the Eye, got lost for an hour and a half trying to find a bus stop that was working and had my bus...took an hour and a half to get back home because it was right at the end of the school day (that was really enjoyable...).
     So, needless to say...I needed a glass of wine!

Delays!

Sorry for the delay...
     Ok, so I didn't realize how difficult it would be to sit down and blog after my husband abandoned me [;o)] in London with my in-laws! I feel very awkward just sitting and typing away on the computer while sitting in a room with them. Right now, my mother-in-law took the kids in the stroller to the shop and my father-in-law (who I feel markedly more comfortable around anyway) is reading the paper...soooo I feel I can at least do a quick update.

SLOWING down...
     So, it appears that my weight loss is slowing down here. I do realize that the scale isn't as accurate (much harder to read), and that I have been stressed, however, I have been CONSTANTLY on the move, shoving the kids around in the stroller one place or another. I also have a harder time with measurements and my mother-in-law is also insisting on preparing my dinner. I have made it very clear that I am on a very strict diet, but this does not stop her. In her defense she has been giving me plates with either salmon or some other protein and vegetables, but there have been too many vegetables and the protein servings are not measured.
     So basically, since my husband (a.k.a. my voice in the house) left, I haven't lost anything. Weigh day isn't until Friday, but seeing as how I haven't lost anything up until today (Wednesday), it's not looking good...

Rambling...
     Excuse my writing...if it sounds like I'm rambling or rushing, well, I am! I need to update here, take a shower, and have gone to the drug store before the kids get back! Must run! Any suggestions for my current food situation/mother-in-law situation would be welcome!

*Oh, and I have been checking my ketones...while my husband was here I was measuring moderate to high...now I am back down to small. Boo!

Weigh Day...Second of four in London...

Damn scales...
     I really hate this scale. I had to have my husband try to read it while I was weighing myself and even with his face up to it he had a hard time!
     So I went with the higher of the two weights he was tottering between. So I believe that means I lost 5 lbs. this week. Glad it is going back up at least!

Uncomfortable...
     So I have been super uncomfortable in the past week. And I'm not just talking about the mental kind that comes from staying at your in-law's for a month. I have been, shall we say, "backed up"for seven days and counting...
     Whether this is because of diet, stress, or what...I don't know, but it has to be dealt with immediately. I'm so uncomfortable and I also wonder what my weight loss could have been...hmmmm.

Ketosis...
     I've also noticed that my ketones are higher than before. That's a good thing right?

A rare moment of silence...

Recap...
     So, quick recap of the last, say, five years of my life. Met a Brit, fell in love, gained weight, diagnosed with PCOS, graduated with a degree in Journalism (with which I have done nothing relevant), got married, lived in London for a year, got pregnant (very blessed), got fat, had a miscarriage, got fatter, got pregnant again (doubly blessed), got even fatter, now one year later am attempting the Protein Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF) while visiting the in-laws for a month in London.
     Now I wondered if my stress levels may have been hindering my weight loss. The past few weeks (finals, packing, moving, traveling with a one year-old and three year-old) have been chaotic and extremely stressful. I have been losing weight, but I have also noticed that with each week that passes I lose a little less. I realize this could be a natural part of this unnatural diet, but at the same time, I eat so little I feel like I should be wasting away right now. And, although my husband says I am, I am in fact not wasting away.

Damn kilos and stones...
     Initially I thought the scale here at my in-laws' house was fairly close to mine, maybe a pound off. But that is mostly because I happened to be right on one of the stone marks. However, I either cannot tell if I am losing weight, because the pound markers are minuscule in size, or I am in fact not losing weight...to which I would say: "What a crock of shit!"
     I have probably eaten less here that at home...still in ketosis...and walking ALOT. I should at the very least keep up the same pattern as before, if not increase the weight loss. I have a very distinct feeling that I am just going to be frustrated until I get home in three weeks to weigh myself on my scale. This is unbearable! And I even had my husband grab the scale from home and bring it to my parents house so I could weigh myself right before we left (and sadly I also considered packing it, but our bags would have been too heavy).

Added stress...
     To really put the stress-eating-urge into overdrive, I had to take my one-year-old to the hospital last night with a ridiculously high fever. He is fine, just some tonsillitis, but I have not been so tempted to eat something bad since I started this diet. Thank God there's no chocolate cake sitting in front of my face...oh wait, there is...

Delay....

Will be updating tomorrow...busy weekend!

Of course...weigh day! How did I forget?!

Ok... down 3.2lbs... Again... good to be down, but my concern is that each week is less and less in terms of how much I lose. I don't know whether or not I should be concerned. Been sticking strictly to the diet (other than the wine tonight).... hmmmm...any thoughts?

Guess I should throw in TWL (total weight loss) is now 20.7... which does mean that I've met my first goal and I get to get my tattoo! Yay! ---May just do that while I'm in London...we'll see!

So London with pubs it is...

Answers...
     Ok...the only non-diet thing I've done since commencement... I had two glasses of wine at the pub. The good news is I'm just fine...with exception of being slightly on the tipsy side. Considering I'm on vacation though I think I've done pretty fantastic. For goodness sake I had my mother-in-law LITERALLY trying to shove chocolate in my mouth and I resisted. I think if I can stick with it and have the occasional glass of wine I'm still in good shape. Then, when I return to the states, I will go back to normal...no wine, no nothing worth enjoying....


Is that awful?

London with no Pubs?

To drink or not to drink...
     So, as I had mentioned, traveling without snacks was kind of killer, but I barreled through and managed, once again, not to stray from the dreaded Protein Sparing Modified Fast...threw that in there in case someone was just catching up with my wildly popular little blog :oP...So are my two readers caught up? Thank you for making me feel special hunny and Noreen. Miss you by the way!
     Anyway...back to the point. So here I am in London. Back for the first time in two and a half years. And I am not supposed to drink. Now, I have been fairly strong willed about sticking to this diet thus far, I think I can say I'm proud of myself for not straying. This has been the most ridiculously stressful and chaotic month of my life. I have craved chocolate on a daily basis, but stuck with it.
     But now I find myself with a whole new kind of dilemma. I'm in London and I will inevitably go to the pub with the in-laws...do I drink a glass of wine or not? I would actually love some input here if anyone is familiar with this diet. I am wondering out loud here: are you not supposed to drink purely because of the empty calories, or is there some more serious medical reason that I'm missing.
     I'm happy to be here and visit, it has truly been too long, but anyone who has a mother-in-law can appreciate the fact that staying with them for a month (3 weeks of which my husband will not be here!) is a task that should allow for the occasional glass of wine. Not to mention, as I speak, my husband is out at the pub having "a few" beers. I'm here with the kids.... this trip will be nothing if not interesting.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...

Airport...
     This will be speedy because I am sitting at the airport with two very antsy little boys...make that three. Hit up the duty-free shop, I swear you could smell the chocolate in the air. Even bought some for the mother-in-law. So hungry today. Finding it very difficult to travel without being able to snack on something like chocolate.
     Oh, I also bought my favorite perfume at the duty-free... consequently I have been dealing with a grumpy husband for the past 45 minutes... great. The man who forgot his suitcase apparently has a right to judge. Oh, by the way, how much did you spend on golf last summer hunny?

Next stop...London

Packing...again...

Packing, unpacking, and packing again...
     Well, after a week of packing everything I own, and a weekend of UNpacking everything I own...Now I am packing 30 days worth of things I own. How do you pack for a 30 day trip to London to visit the in-laws?

Diet and vacation don't mix...
     So far I have managed to stick to the diet, but I'm not going to lie... the next 30 days will be rough. Especially the trip there and back. I just made a trip to good old Walmart and packed some provisions...low-fat string cheese, low-fat single-serving ham, hard-boiled eggs... you get the point. Let's hope it helps on this torturous 12 hour trip with a one year old and three year old.

Wish me luck...

Moving hiatus,..

The horrors...
     So we don't have internet yet at the new place... it is amazing how difficult that has been. No internet is like living with no water. It is a true lifeline. (Not to sound dramatic or anything!) But now I am back to my parents for two days before we leave for London for a month to see the in-laws (duh, duh, duuuhhh...).

PSMF....Grrrr....
     I woke up yesterday (and continued on throughout the whole day) in the worst slump yet, by far. I mean I was ready to give up. I know that part of the problem is all this moving shit (I HATE moving), and also the fact that my mom stayed with us all weekend to "help" out, God love her (Ahhhhhh!), but I think I was really just having one of those days where you just wonder if it's worth it. Is it worth it to feel miserable just to get thin. Apparently in the end I decided it was, because I stuck with my diet.
    Seriously though, does anyone else ever feel resentful that they aren't allowed to be happy just because they aren't a size 4?

Finding my scale...
     Well, I would love to see how I'm doing, but I currently can't find the box with my scale in it. That is my first goal of the day.... will keep you posted. It is really the only thing that keeps me on track sometimes I think.

Weigh Day...and moving day!

Check in:
     Ok, so 4 pounds down this week. Again, realize that's good, but having a hard time getting psyched about it.... I'm sure I'll feel better after we're moved and settled and I'm not so stressed.

Holy Crap...

10:43PM:
     Well it's almost quarter to eleven and I have about two minutes to post, because I am STILL not done packing! Ahhhh! Movers will be here in about 10 hours.

No food:
     So, totally by accident I didn't eat today. I woke up and wasn't ready for breakfast, but wanted something sweet. So I had my allowed one sugar free jello. Then I started packing and by the time I new it I was literally running to my final exam and I realized I hadn't eaten so I grabbed a low-fat string cheese out of the fridge and a diet mountain dew.
     Then I had my final, raced home and have been packing every second until I just now sat down to update this guy. There are no words that better suit my situation right now other than: Holy crap....

See you tomorrow on weigh day... 

Insomnia...

Day three of packing...
     So my husband is already in Columbus at his new job, and here I am with a one-year-old, a three-year-old, and a shit-load of packing to do. Three days into packing and I swear on my life there is nothing packed! How can so much shit fit into a two bedroom apartment? Oh, did I mention it's finals week?
     Ok, I'm not going to complain anymore about it, mostly because I think it can only be considered therapeutic and not completely annoying when you do it for one or two posts...any more than that, well you get the point. Ok...just one more thing...
      THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER WITH A GLASS OF WINE!! Or at least a little chocolate :o)


Nevertheless...
     Regardless of what has been going on, I can't believe I've actually stuck to this diet 100%! Yay! I was a little terrified over the past couple weeks (and the coming few weeks too) because it is so stressful right now, but I feel like I'm coping ok. With a little help from the occasional Adavant.... ;o)

Anyone out there?
     I don't presume to believe that anyone actually reads my blog besides my husband and my friend Noreen (blog shout-out)...but if there is anyone else doing this fast right now, I would love to here how they are doing and what they are doing to help them cope!

Under Construction

Bear with me while I make some adjustments...

Protein Sparing Modified Fast, what is it?

"The Protein-Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF) is designed for rapid weight loss and incorporates medical, nutritional, and behavioral components. The goal of this diet is to reach an appropriate body weight as determined by your physician and dietitian.
Carbohydrate, protein, and fat are the nutrients in food that provide energy for proper functioning, maintenance, and repair of the body. In addition to these three nutrients, the human body requires water, vitamins, and minerals for good health.
While on the PSMF program, only lean meat, seafood, poultry, and a limited amount of low-carbohydrate vegetables should be eaten. Carbohydrates and additional forms of fat are not allowed on this program. The high protein intake is to prevent the body from using its own protein stores in muscles, tissues, and cells for energy. Thus the program is a "modified" fast.
Carbohydrates are usually the body's primary source of energy. Since a very limited amount of carbohydrates are consumed, fat becomes the primary fuel source for the body. This rapid breakdown of fat produces ketones that spill into the urine, called ketosis. Ketones in the urine are desirable. While in ketosis, most people lose their appetite, which is a benefit of this program. A large amount of the water in your body is stored with carbohydrates. Since carbohydrate intake is severely limited and storage is severely depleted, dehydration is a health concern. To compensate, adequate quantities of fluid, sodium, and prescription potassium are required each day. Eating foods that are not appropriate can stop ketosis, which not only means less weight reduction, but it can cause dangerous shifts in the body's fluid and electrolytes."

PSMF Diet Program

PSMF w/PCOS Day Eighteen -- Sigh (solution to chocolate cravings)

Sigh of relief...
     Well I woke up this morning with renewed hope. Weighed in a pound and a half less than yesterday. Really wondering if missing my Magnesium two days in a row caused this blip? It is supposed to keep you from bloating. Hmm...anyway, at least I don't feel quite so frustrated anymore.

Papers, packing, class, kids...when do I sleep?
     The one good thing I can say is that I officially finished my papers this morning...Thank the Lord. However, I still have EVERYTHING to pack for the move...oh and the movers arrive Friday at 9am, have an exam to study for on Thursday, class at night, kids all day, and I am missing one husband who is basking in his freedom in Columbus at his new job, which incidentally is a lingerie company.... sounds suspicious to me ;o)

I almost forgot! 
     I MAY have found a solution to the chocolate problem! (Did I already talk about this?) Horrible memory...anyway...Tofutti fudgsicles. They aren't half bad. You kind of have to get past the slightly slimy outside, although I think that could be my freezer's fault. I realized the door wasn't all the way shut so I think they started melting. Either way, worth a try if you are as desperate as me for chocolate!

You have got to be kidding me...

Am I bitter? Yes....
     Ok, I know that overall my diet would be considered successful...I've continued to lose weight, etc. However, not only did I feel disappointment yesterday morning when I woke up and realized it was the first day I didn't lose anything, but then I had to face pizza and birthday cake feeling that disappointment. And I stayed strong. Instead of eating the food I pulled out that disgusting can of tuna and ate half of it plain.
     So I went through all of that yesterday...followed it up with a night of no sleep working on my, what turned out to be, eight papers I have to get done for school. Then, I stop working when the boys wake up...check my ketones ("small" as usual)...then I check my weight... I gained 1/2 pound yesterday!!!!!
     I realize that you aren't supposed to weigh yourself everyday, blah blah blah...and I realize that it may very well mean nothing. But SERIOUSLY, isn't sort of like pouring salt in the wound that I went through pure hell the day before only to find out I not only didn't lose weight, but gained.
     Wow, I could bitch about this for awhile, but I won't...I'll end with my dad's explanation. As we were eating lunch at Arby's today (pathetic if you are on PSMF by the way....like one ounce of chicken sandwiched between tomatoes and onion)...so we're eating and I'm bitching, did I mention I could smell his curly fries, and his explanation is: "Maybe you absorbed the pizza molecules floating around in the air."
     I may normally slough that off as silliness, however, I am beginning to think that my body is so f'ed up and determined to defy nature...there might just be something to that....

Does ketosis or PSMF cause depression?

Birthday Party...
     Today was my baby's first birthday party... my little men are getting so big! :o(  This was also a little sad because it was the typical birthday party: cake, pizza, and more cake. And of course the beer and wine I couldn't drink to soften the blow...
     I picked up the cake, then went straight to pick up the pizza....one may argue that those aromas are not for mixing in a car, but I was pretty much dying inside. I'm so HUNGRY! Made it through the party without a single slip though, even though I, of course, was given the job of cutting the delicious looking cake. It was killer...

All-nighter, no snacks...
     It used to be, when I was up all night doing school work that by keeping a bowl of pretzels, or even vegetables for goodness sake, would help keep me going when I would not be gracing the bed with my presence that night. I can't even have a good Skinny Caramel Macchiato to keep me going.... I have a perfectly good Starbucks gift card sitting unused. :o(

Depressed....
     I'm really pretty sure that this diet actually makes me a little depressed. And I'm not talking about my silly ranting about missing Starbucks and chocolate, although that is depressing in its own right. I am referring to feeling actually depressed. I have been the most emotional person the past two weeks, I can't remember ever crying this much! I pity my husband and kids right now...

Kicker...
     Oh, and here's the kicker...this was the first morning I woke up and had lost zero pounds. I know this shouldn't matter right now, I'm only supposed to go by my weekly weight, but it's still depressing...

Weigh Day Week Two....

I'll give it to you straight...
     So I'm a little disappointed I think. Which, if you are like me, a person who has a hard time losing weight, please don't be silently cursing me as you read this. It's just, I feel like as drastically as I have adjusted my diet and all, it seems like I should be able to notice weight loss on myself....clothes should fit better, people should be able to look and say "did you lose weight?"
     But, as it were, I have lost 5.9 lbs this week. Again, I know it's not bad, so don't start sending bad juju my way, but I feel like I am suffering through this diet and I guess I think I deserve a little better than that for as good as I have been. I mean, for God's sake, I made it through Easter (at THREE different houses!)...I made it through the beginnings of finals week where everyone seems to be sent some subliminal message to bring copious amounts of wonderfully awful foods, like doritos and easter candy. Don't I deserve a little better than 5.9 lbs?
     It's ok, you can tell me to stop being a whiney bitch and be grateful...I realize how it sounds.

Hypnotherapy...
     So, on a less annoyed note, I saw a Hypnotherapist yesterday for the first time. My therapist suggested it to me and I figured "What the hell!" Anyway... we went through about an hour of the whole question answer routine. Although, I must say that this particular question answer session was NOT quite as routine as the ones I have be part of in the past. He asked some VERY personal and VERY embarrassing moments! I am almost too embarrassed to say it here and this is anonymous! I did say 'almost' though....
     So he wanted to know EVERYTHING... when I first had sex, do I like sex, how often do I have sex, when was the first time I masturbated (Ahhhh!), am I depressed, have I ever had a psychotic break....and on and on and on, for an hour. Imagine answering those questions to an 80 year old man. I'll say it again... Ahhhhh!
     Anyway, so after the terribly embarrassing question answer session I had my first hypnosis session. It was interesting, but I can't rightly make any judgements on the whole process yet because the first session is more of an introduction. He went through the whole relaxation process and used imagery,  but mostly there was positive affirmations and assurance of the process and security. Next session I guess will be getting into the foggy abyss that is my subconscious...scary.

To Sum it...
     I lost 5.9 lbs this week. Total weight loss is now 13.4 lbs. I am now seeing a Therapist AND a Hypnotherapist (who by the way doesn't believe in diets.... wants me to stop....fat chance)
Will be returning later with some good info on the Protein Sparing Modified Fast and Ketosis as promised.

Make it or Break it... Day 15

Can I make it?
     Today has absolutely been one of the most difficult days in terms of food. I am still hungry all the time, and still not entirely convinced I have reached this state of ketosis. And with all the stress I'm loaded with right now, coupled with the fact that everywhere I turn there is Easter candy.... I'm feeling like this is a make it or break it day. I really want to make it, I do... I know that I need to keep going because it's working....and oh, because I'm FAT! But my question to myself today was:

"Is losing weight worth feeling like a miserable human being?"
     No...I suppose not. But then I was miserable because of my weight before anyway. This is just being miserable about it in a whole new way... Shaking things up a little, right?

Never the less I shall power through yet again....aided by my flavorless popsicle and Google. Hopefully I will be able to return for post two for the day with more information on ketosis.

Ahhh yes, Day Thirteen...

Everything revolves around food...
     So now that it's coming to the end of the semester apparently everyone feels it's necessary to bring food to class. I'm in my Tuesday night class, minding my own business, when I am suddenly assaulted by the overwhelming smell of Doritos and chocolate!
     Seriously? I have never been so attune to the smell of chocolate and questionably flavored little triangles. I'm still so hungary!

Another road trip...
     So I have to go on yet another apartment hunting trip to Columbus, only this time alone. I was a little nervous because, I mean who on a diet hasn't snuck the Hershey bar when no one was looking...it never happened then right?
     I actually had a fabulous day though! I spent the hour and half down listening to music, signing and dancing to music... I apologize to any truck drivers who were unfortunate enough to witness that spectacle. It was really nice though. Peaceful. Kids were being taken care of for the day, I just got to drive and think.
     I managed to stick to my guns too...went through McDonald's drive through and got only a diet coke.

Surprising self-control...
     Since I have been having such a hard time coping with the diet thus far, I am actually a little surprised that I have been able to abstain from...well pretty much all food. I think I'm even a little proud of myself! :o) Still really waiting for the perks of ketosis to kick in though. I mean, I am seriously questioning if I am in ketosis. Just because ketones are present does that necessarily mean you are in ketosis? Arg. I am looking forward to my next appointment with my dietitian.

Chocolate....mmmmm.... did I say that already? 
     I miss it. I actually pulled EVERY box of fudgesicles out of the Giant Eagle freezer section to check calories, fat, and carbs. I was hoping desperately that if one of them were close enough to the popsicles I am allowed, it might satisfy my chocolate craving. Don't make the mistake I did... there is no solution...

PSMF w/PCOS Day Twelve -- Only three words today...

I want chocolate...

Ketosis during PSMF -- What the hell does that even mean?

Found this interesting blog/tidbit...

"If the diet is changed from a highly glycemic diet to a diet that does not provide sufficient carbohydrate to replenish glycogen stores, the body goes through a set of stages to enter ketosis. During the initial stages of this process, blood glucose levels are maintained through gluconeogenesis, and the adult brain does not burn ketones; however, the brain makes immediate use of ketones for lipid synthesis in the brain. After about 48 hours of this process, the brain starts burning ketones in order to more directly use the energy from the fat stores that are being depended upon, and to reserve the glucose only for its absolute needs, thus avoiding the depletion of the body's protein store in the muscles."

Eades, M. R. (2007-05-22). "Metabolism and Ketosis."

PSMF w/PCOS Day Eleven -- Oh the irony...

Irony...
     So I think it's pretty ironic that I manage to survive all the Easter baskets and Easter dinner, especially considering the only thing I had available to me for lunch was raw cucumber, I made it through all that without cheating, then I weigh myself the next day I was up. Ok only like two-tenths of a pound, but still...how ridiculous!

Going Simple...
     So I have decided that the easiest and probably best thing for me while I'm struggling is to keep it very simple. So today (and yesterday alike) I had chicken for breakfast (I know...yuck), chicken and broccoli for lunch, and...you guessed it, chicken and broccoli for dinner. I drank tons of water as usual and I think I had one twenty ounce Diet Mountain Dew (so I didn't go over my aspartame restrictions.

Chaos...
     My life in a nutshell: Babies (1 & 3), husband, endless laundry, painful feet due to "toy on the floor" syndrome, Grad school, two weeks until a month in London with the in-laws, one week until my husband starts a new job in a new city, two days until I have to go apartment hunting AGAIN, four days until my son's first birthday party, 14 hours until I have to present to my class, and approximately 5 minutes until I completely lose my mind... I miss wine.

Staying strong...
     I can proudly say though that I have not swayed once, even though I want to go crazy, I have stuck to my guns! REALLY hope I can keep it up... and I really hope I am given reason to keep it up as well. I'm ok suffering through an extreme diet, but ONLY if I see the results. Wish me luck...

PSMF w/PCOS Day Ten -- Easter Part 2

Misery...
     So, like an idiot I forgot to bring my steamed broccoli with me. I figured I would be able to have ham and broccoli. I knew I couldn't count on any vegetables at Easter dinner because everyone uses either sauce or butter.
     So, like I said I forgot my broccoli, and as suspected there weren't any other cooked vegetables I could eat. However, I also wouldn't eat the ham. My Grandpa, God love him, decided to get extra creative this year and absolutely saturated the ham in a bourbon, molasses, honey sauce. I'm going to go ahead and guess that that would not be following my diet...

Cucumbers...
     And so there were cucumbers...a whole plate to be exact. I went and found the veggie tray and pilfered what I guesstimated to be one medium size cucumber, put them on my plated, salted them, and that was my Easter Dinner.
     Needless to say, I'm not feeling the Easter spirit today. If I have to see one more piece of damn chocolate I am liable to reach my breaking point and punch someone.

"Dinner"...
     Now I will go and enjoy my dinner of boiled chicken and steamed broccoli. Joyous day...


*Note to self (or anyone who may know the answer to my problem)...Find out why the hell my ketones still only come up as "small"!!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Ten -- Easter

Curses...
     I curse the person who turned Easter into a chocolate loving, candy filled holiday. I have a fairly big family, so we will go to my grandpa's house and everyone will be there with crap-loads of chocolate and we'll have a big traditional dinner with all my favorite foods... and I will be eating 4 oz of boiled chicken and 3.5 oz of plain broccoli. Wait, do I hear violins faintly playing in the background again?

Challenge...
     So today will be my biggest challenge in this fast thus far...Wish me luck! Hopefully when I check in later I will still be hungry & grumpy...but proud of myself!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Nine -- Road trip

Woke up late...
     So my husband and I had plans to leave the house at 8am to drive to Columbus and look for apartments.  I, of course, woke up at 7:45am.  Ask me the last time the kids even slept that late?! Luckily for me, my grandparents love to watch the kids so they were there at 7:50am and I was able to take a shower and get ready at record speed. Not that we had a specific schedule or anything, I think we were both just looking forward to a whole day to ourselves in the quiet of the car to talk or just enjoy some silence! Anyway... out of the house around 8:30am and off to Columbus, about a 2 hour drive (less if I'm driving!).

No snacks...
     Unfortunately for my husband, due to my PSMF, there were no stops for breakfast or lunch, and no snacks for the car. Just water and diet coke. (God bless diet coke). Wasn't too bad though...except for the fact that I had to choke down 4 oz of plain chicken for breakfast (no time for anything else). That was actually pretty gross!

Nine hours...
     Nine hours of driving around looking for apartments. We saw everything from gorgeous $1400 apartments (that are about $500 above what I'm willing to spend...trying to save for a house here!) to shit-hole $700 apartments that smelled like feet. Oh, incidentally, the one that smelled like feet...The man that was showing it to us said, "Yeah, these are pretty spacey. Four guys from OSU lived in here last!" Hahaha..not a selling point for me! Regardless, we had a fairly enjoyable day together and got home in time to have dinner (missed lunch..oops).

Starving...
     So by the time I got home I was starving so I went straight to the fridge to heat up my chicken and broccoli. I didn't have enough to make up for missing lunch...didn't think that would be a good idea, but I did add about an ounce of protein to dinner and have a serving and a half of veggies.
     Oh, and did I mention that as a wonderfully devoted wife I brought leftover pizza home for my husband from my parents' house...do I hear a soft violin in the background? ;o)

Ketones...
     Really, I feel like I should be able to see a little more than this crappy small reading. Will be talking to my dietitian about this for sure at our next appt.

PSMF w/PCOS Day Eight -- Weigh day

Dun Dun Dunnnnn...
     So I wake up, get through my usual morning routine...diapers, bottles, etc. Then I take my sweet ass time getting to the bathroom (starting to get nervous).  FULLY empty my bladder... would hate for there to be a 1 oz. difference! ;o)
     So I finally make my way to the scale... down 7.5 pounds. Now I know I should be super excited about it, but I can't seem to find the motivation to be excited. I also know that I make no sense.

Blah! Everything else...
     I am going to try and make it a point this week to talk to either my dietitian or my therapist, or preferably someone else who is doing this diet. I swear I have spent the past three days minimum crying. My husband must be terrified that he's going to have to lock me up or something! I realize I have a lot going on, oh with the babies, grad school, impending trip to London to visit the in-laws, my husband's new job that starts in a week (in a different city), the move to the new city, all things to be completed before the month in London...
     I'd like to think that I am allowed a mini breakdown here, but then maybe someone is reading this (if anyone is reading this!) and saying "Oh stop being a whiney bitch." I'll admit I can be whiney sometimes, although I do try to avoid it at all costs. But everyone needs a little pity party sometimes!
     Oh, and still no real presence of ketones beyond small and still HUNGRY!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Seven -- Seriously?

Laundry and crying...
     So I would love to know how other people are doing on this diet. I don't know if it's the diet itself or the insane amount of upheaval in my life right now, but apparently I am an emotional mess. I spent my day doing laundry and crying. That really was about the extent of it until I had to go to class and watch everyone eat candy and cookies...seriously?

Headaches galor...
     I was told that I might have a headache for the first few days, but seeing as this is day seven and all I thought I would be past that. Especially since I don't think I even had one in the first couple days. (Although I would have to re-read my own blog because I have the worst memory on the face of the earth!) Have had this steady, almost hangover like, headache since about 11AM...seriously?

Broken computers, long classes, and family dinners...
     So while attempting to finish a paper for tonights class my computer decided to hate me and died. Must take to the Apple store first thing tomorrow. Needless to say my paper is not yet completed. But still, I went to class and sat through a much longer session than I anticipated. I'm exhausted...is it the emotion, stress, lack of food, I don't know, but I am absolutely exhausted.
     Finally class ends, so I make my way to my parents house for our traditional Passover meal (one of my favorite of the year incidently) of lamb, tabouli, and pita. Of course I can't eat most of it so I sit hungrily watching other people eat my favorite food.
     I continue to monitor my ketones, I have been checking morning and evening just for comparison sake, and I'm still not very impressed with the results. Continues to show between trace and small, and occassionally moderate. This is the element that is supposed to keep me from getting hungry (and I am starving right now), and is supposed to give me an energy boost, did I mention I'm exhausted?
     I mean, really, all I can say is: Seriously??

PSMF w/PCOS Day Six -- Conquering the McDonald's drive-thru

Please ketones, please...
     Ketones levels still appear to be around small. Not sure how to feel about that...think I need to talk to the dietitian and find out if that matters or not.

Laundry and no snacks...

     Well I did laundry all day yesterday (seriously..ALL DAY). I was also hungry and tired all day yesterday. Still waiting for this magical feeling of satisfaction and energy... 

Hair cuts...

     Have you ever taken a three year-old and a one year-old with you to get your hair done? Don't. 

It turns what can be a perfectly relaxing experience into a waste of money when you've suddenly ripped out all of your freshly dyed and cut hair...

     In an effort to get my three tear-old to sit still for just long enough to get his hair cut (we've saved him for last...bad idea), I told him we could get apples from McDonald's on the way home to go with dinner. I love that when we drive past a McDonald's he's pleas are for apples! 

The McDonald's drive-thru...

     So we made it through the hair cuts, now can I make it through the drive-thru? Apparently I can, but it's not easy. I took my husband and kids through the drive-thru and the boys share a happy meal and my husband gets something ridiculously and disgustingly delicious. Luckily the drive with the greasy smell in the car only lasts a couple minutes. I then proceed to help the hubby get the kids inside (and come frighteningly close to unconsciously consuming a french fry....I don't.

Sigh...

     As soon as I help get the kids inside I turn and run from the smell of burgers and fries and take a drive. And sigh....

PSMF w/PCOS Day Five -- Beware of the Fat Lady

More tests...
     So I was a little more than annoyed as I pushed through morning rush hour traffic to Cleveland to get another round of blood drawn, fluids collected, and an EKG. But, I get it, I had to do it. Not a great start to the day though especially since it was raining and since I couldn't find a parking space I had to pay $12 for valet parking (SLOW valet parking). Got it done though and managed to make it home without hurting anyway, even though I was starving because I had to be fasting for my tests. Wait...I thought I already was fasting??

Screaming babies, cleaning toilets, and still hungry...
     I had a fairly cooped up day due to the rain and all the work I need to get done. Unfortunately this only exaggerated my irritated mood and growing hunger for wine and chocolate. If I was cleaning, the babies were screaming. If I was playing with the babies they were making enormous messes and being quite grumpy due to the lack of attention earlier and the EXTREME lack of sleep we all got last night. It was definitely a no-win situation today.
     And, I don't know if it was because I didn't get breakfast, or because of my general grumpiness, but I really had to stand firm today and constantly remind myself not to eat anything that wasn't on the diet list. I actually think it may have had something to do with the phone call from my endocrinologist yesterday. She was insisting I stop the diet for two days until she gives me the go ahead, and I think the devil on my shoulder, better known as Ben & Jerry, was nagging at the back of my mind saying: "It's not technically cheating because she doesn't want me doing it anyway..."
     Happy to say I did not slip up. Too grumpy to be proud right now, maybe I will be in the morning.

Boring food...
     So today consisted of no breakfast, two eggs, the last tiny bit of cooked chicken in the fridge, cottage cheese, and broccoli for lunch (5 oz of protein and one serving of vegetables). Dinner was more chicken and more broccoli (6 oz of protein and one serving of vegetables).

Ketones, where are you?
     Ketones still came up as small today...hoping they'll pick up a little. Still waiting for their benefits of lack of hunger, etc.

**Oh, and I changed my font to KRANKY....seemed appropriate. :o)

PSMF w/PCOS Day Four -- Endocrinisis

Going great, until...
     Well, food wise my day went well. I ate exactly what I did yesterday...just easier that way. However, about 45 minutes before I had to leave for class my endocrinologist calls in a panic that I had started my diet without the proper tests. My response of course was "You sent me the letter say my tests were all normal and I should go meet with the dietitian about the fast." Her response "Oh I'm sorry I chose the wrong 'wordage,' you still need an EKG and your electrolytes tested. You need to stop the diet now, then restart it again after I give the ok."
     So let me get this straight, I am supposed to ignore the fact that I got through the first few toughest days of the diet and the fact that my ketones are increasing each day, stop the diet, only to start again in one day when she gives me the all clear. Sorry, not happening. I'm not going to be an idiot about it or anything, but I refuse to give up the little progress I've made if I don't have to. If she came back with a reason not to do it then that would be a different story, but for now I'm stickin' to my guns.

Cravings...
     On a side note, today is the first day that I have genuinely wanted something that I can't have. The hubby was eating a KitKat... yum! Don't worry though, I had my 1/2 cup of jello....

Day Three Continued...

Headache...
     So I did pretty well with the hunger issue today, certainly better than I thought I would, especially considering that after our pottery painting expedition the girls decided they wanted to go for ice cream. I went, but of course got nothing. As much as ice cream is a huge temptation for me that really wasn't too bad, nothing like this headache. For the past two days I have slowly been getting a headache and it really reared its ugly head tonight. My head is pounding. I am sure there are probably a lot of reasons for this, stress being only the least of them, but oh man... My dietician did warn me this was a possibility until my body hit a state of ketosis. Come on ketosis....

Food...
     So today was a little better food wise than yesterday.
Breakfast was three eggs and two pieces of turkey bacon. Lunch was 1/2 c. of cottage cheese and broccoli and turkey bacon again. Dinner was 5 oz. of chicken and broccoli. And as soon as I'm done here I will add another Jello onto the list. I think I'm probably finding a new tolerance for the stuff since it is the only option for sweet.

Experiences and Sharing...
     I really hope that if anyone else is reading through this that they will share their own experiences. I always find it easier on a diet (especially of this caliber) to have people who are also experiencing it for discussion. Please feel free to share!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Three -- Pottery without the wine?

Hunger...
     Ok, so obviously this is not the first time I've felt hungry, but it is the first time I woke up feeling hungry enough, and aware enough of what I could/couldn't eat, that I was pretty genuinely grumpy...sorry hunny.
I think that the natural high that you get in the first day, maybe two, of the diet just knowing you are starting a new diet and thinking about all the possibilities has begun to worn off. And the ketosis has not started yet, I checked with my chem strips this morning and it seemed to be reading "trace," so I am not yet enjoying the benefits of lack of hunger and burst of energy.
     Don't misunderstand me, I am aware and accepting of the difficulties that come with starting a new diet. It's hardly news to me. But, so long as I am blogging all about this diet... I will have to bitch about it sometimes too. Where would be the truth if I didn't.

Pottery without the lunch...
     Today I am going pottery painting for a friend's birthday. Luckily no one was able to meet for lunch in the end, because given the mood I woke up in this morning it would not have been pleasant or easy. And hey...maybe the pottery will take my mind off of hunger for awhile. Although, there will probably be wine and that will probably be even harder to resist.... I love wine.

PSMF w/PCOS Day Two -- Protein, data, more protein, graphing, more protein, menus...

Miscalculations...
So today didn't go too badly.

Breakfast:
Two eggs
Two pieces of turkey bacon
Water

Lunch:
1/2 c. of cottage cheese
Serving of broccoli
Two pieces of turkey bacon
Water  & more water

Dinner:
6oz. of chicken
Serving of broccoli
1/4 c. of cottage cheese
Water

Snack: Jello....mmmm.....
     I'll admit, not the ideal breakdown. I miscalculated how much protein I had at breakfast (I thought I had four, but realized at dinner it was only three), and I only had three at lunch as well b/c I was rushing. So I had to fit in 7oz. of protein at dinner.

Menu it up...
     I decided after working all this out in the evening, and remembering that I am also supposed to limit the cottage cheese to 1/2 c. a day and actually had 3/4 c. today, that I need to create my own menu for the next week. I have been sticking to everything in the book, but when I am planning off of a couple different menus mistakes can be made.
     So that is my goal for tomorrow, type out one or two variations of a menu that will be easy to pull from without thinking. All my breakfast options will be 4oz. of protein, lunch the same, but also with a serving of veggies, and dinner will be 5oz. of protein with a serving of veggies.

Data & Graphing...
     I also took a little time today and created a couple different graphs. One graph will show my weight loss total by week. This one I will print out and put on the fridge so I have a little extra motivation. The other graph I have labeled on my computer as PRIVATE! because it will show my current weight each week and I am mortified at the thought of anyone else seeing it, especially and including my husband.

Winding down...
     So now it's the end of a long day filled with meeting the Easter Bunny and seeing Sesame Street Live in Cleveland ---surprisingly enjoyable!  I've had my jello and so I think I should officially call it a night and hope for a good day tomorrow...and definitely hope to see some Ketones!

Day One Continued...

     After a lengthy trip to the grocery store (took so long trying to make sure nothing would interfere with the diet) and stocking up on some essentials for my undertaking of the PSMF, I have now eaten: scrambled eggs w/2% cheese and two pieces of turkey bacon.
     Although my first day didn't exactly go swimmingly in terms of what I ate, I still feel pretty good about it. I have all the necessary foods to get exactly what I should eat, when I should eat it from this point onward. And I didn't eat anything I shouldn't today...just didn't eat enough of what I was supposed to!
     I gave the chem strips a try just for the fun of it. Plus I thought it would be nice to know for comparison purposes. Definitely no ketones being released in this body. Good to know...that hopefully means that when I see that I am testing positive it means results should follow shortly after...
     Looking forward to the end of this weekend and the being of Ketosis when this is all supposed to be much easier...boost of energy, loss of appetite, etc.

**On a side note: Found a really great water enhancer that does not include aspartame (which is limited on this diet) and is zero calorie. It's called Mi0. Would suggest giving it a try if you are looking for a way to get more fluids.

PSMF w/PCOS Day One -- Blogs, babies, and diets

To Blog or not to Blog...  
     I decided to start this blog, not to tell people what works or what doesn't (obviously if I have been at it this long with no real success I am not in the position to say), but to put myself in a position to be accountable to someone/something. Even if it is only my husband - Hi Hunny - and my Dietitian - Hi Sally - who check in on my progress, I still have someone I have to answer to.
     My weight has fluctuated my whole life, and I figure that's ok, even normal. Unfortunately, about 7 years ago I started gaining weight and no matter what I tried I could not lose it! After about two months of sheer panic and frustration I finally went to my doctor...long story short, five doctors later and they finally diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). There wasn't much they could do for me, but at least I had some answers. I was also able to find a diet and exercise routine that kept me from gaining weight.

And then there were babies...
     I am truly blessed and lucky to have two beautiful and mischievous little boys. Aidan is three and Liam is one. I feel especially lucky because I know that having had the diagnosis of PCOS I was worried if I would even be able to have babies.
     God love them, they bring joy to my life, but the also brought fat. About 50lbs. of it to be exact. HOLY COW! That's the G-rated version of what goes through my head every time I step foot on the scale (which if I'm honest has been about 5 times a day lately).
     After a long time of trying countless diets, and having every possible blood test performed on me, I found a doctor and a dietitian and world renowned hospital. They both recommended I try the Protein Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF). And so, willing to give anything a try at this point, I said "Let's do it!"
     This is an extremely rigid, as well as very unbalanced, diet that has to been done under strict doctor supervision. It's actually a little frightening! But, like I said, willing to try anything...

The Diet...
     So PSMF is more or less a lot of protein and almost no fat or carbs, it is also about 800 calories. It's literally low-fat protein and vegetables. Vegetables are your only source of carbs. Everything is restricted...no alcohol, no added fats, no sugar, limited condiments, limited meat and vegetables, limited fake sugars...literally the only thing that is an unlimited or "free" food is head lettuce... yum.
     Oh lets not forget that I can have l can have 1/2 cup of sugar free jello once a day... I hate jello.
I also have to use special chem strips to test my urine for ketones every morning and have a long list of vitamins and supplements necessary to keep me from keeling over!
     On top of that, I have to visit the dietitian every two weeks for the first month to have additional blood work done, then monthly after that.
     On a positive note, this will be a really easy diet in the sense that its so simple. I mean I could basically cook up several pounds of chicken at the beginning of the week and just get out chicken and broccoli for lunch and dinner every day and make and egg and turkey bacon for breakfast. Easy as pie... mmmmm, pie....

Day One:
     Have to say...not off to the best start. My breakfast this morning was going to be two eggs and two pieces of turkey bacon (probably more than I typically eat for breakfast). Unfortunately as I opened the fridge I realized that someone had finished off the eggs and didn't add it to the grocery list...thanks hunny. Sooo, I ate two pieces of turkey bacon and drank A LOT of water.
     Same goes for lunch. No car today so can't get to the Eagle until hubby gets home. To be fair, I'm not really starving, only mildly hungry. Although, I never really had much of an appetite, despite what the number on the scale says...
     So, although my day is not completely finished yet, it's going well enough, and once I get to the grocery store I think it will be looking up significantly!