About Me

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I am a 27 year-old wife and mother of two. I am currently in a Grad School Intervention Specialist Program, though my undergrad was in Journalism and that is were my real passion lies. Don't get me wrong, I know I will love what I do...I have worked with kids with Special Needs for half my life, but I also have a great passion for journalism and literature.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Arg!

So I just realized in the frenzy of the past weekend I forgot to post Friday! So quick update...two more pounds down. So as usual, good thing, but still doesn't quite feel good enough.

Now for the crappy news! I appear to have snapped out of ketosis! What the heck?! So I'm going to do the best I can over the next few days to get back into it and hope for the best...

Will update (hopefully less angry and frustrated) on Friday!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Side note...

No more complaining...ok, at least LESS complaining...
     I am thoroughly boring myself with the complaining and it has apparently going on longer than I thought. I was reviewing some posts and for at least 3 weeks I have been saying how "The past two weeks have been rough."
     So, I think I need to find my way out of the self-pity pit of despair and join the rest of the miserable real dieting world. Let's be honest, no one is going to say it's fun, but hell, if it keeps working, I will keep on, keep truckin' (Old School anyone?).

Save me from this temptation!

Temptation served with a side of guilt....
     Temptation is all around... Seriously, ALL around! Today was the worst! I have been claiming how the past couple weeks have been a little more difficult and I have been wanting regular food more, but today was by far the worst. I baked a cake for my husband (tomorrow is International Food Day at his work). It actually turned out pretty cool. I made a red velvet cake and gave it a raspberry jam-ish filling by poking holes throughout the cake and pouring it in. Then I made a cool whip/cream cheese frosting and my husband topped it off with blueberries and raspberries creating a Union Jack flag. He is proud to be British! :o)
     Now to the bad part. I was so flustered this morning, running around like crazy trying to pack us up to take the kids to my parents' for the week/weekend. I had to go to the store to get the ingredients for the cake, etc. Plus the general fact that pretty much everything is a production with two kids (3 and under).
     So here I am amidst my chaos, trying to ignore the glorious smell of the cake batter, when I did it. Looking back on it, it's like slow motion. I see it happening, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I licked the spoon. I think there was some part of me (given that I haven't put myself in a position to bake a cake since I have been on the diet) that just instinctually licked the spoon. But then, it's like something happens to you. Your body recognizes the sugar instantly and wants more! It was horribly wonderful of course.
     I mean, I haven't had anything that wonderful tasting near my mouth in months, then all of the sudden there it is and I am losing self control, and quick.... Oh man... needless to say I did stop, but not until I had licked the spoon a few times and then I felt miserably guilty.

But for two glorious minutes I remembered what it felt like to be human...


*I personally like my added touch of the disposable pan...I won't be back home for 5 days...just imagine the sheer bitterness of scrubbing a 5-day-old cake pan. Let's be honest, it would have gotten tossed anyway!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

NEGLECT!

Struggle and Neglect...
     It has come to my attention (via a few emails) that I am neglecting my blogging responsibilities. I could give a lot of excuses for this (like my two kids and million things to do), however I really think that I am just really struggling the past couple weeks. (Not to be too repetitive!) I would give anything for a donut or some Ben & Jerry's right now!! As usual, I haven't cheated, but I am an awful person to be around this weekend especially (just ask my husband).

Small losses...
     I am seriously considering changing my weigh day to Saturdays. It always seems like I am significantly lighter on Saturday mornings vs. Friday mornings...don't know what that's about. Regardless, my weigh day was reasonable...lost two pounds. Would probably help my attitude to have a higher loss though...when I feel like I'm really struggling then don't have a significant loss it makes it a lot harder to keep my motivation up. (Still grateful overall though of course...up to 46.5 lbs.)

Next Friday...
     I think that next Friday I will do my usual update (and I will make a concerted effort to be more attentive to my blog) and I think I will also update my other stats again. I like doing that occasionally too because its just more numbers you get to see changing!

Joke...
     I was just rereading my July 1st post...HA! Obviously I still have gotten up the motivation to live up to that post!

Friday, July 8, 2011

I'm hungry!!!

Mid-diet crisis...
     I'm still not sure if it's that I am half-way through my diet and starting to have a slightly less strict mindset because I'm actually starting to know a difference, or if my body is telling me that it's sick of this shit... whatever the reason, I am really struggling.

Clearly unmotivated...
     I have lost some element of motivation that I had before. I started writing this post two or three days ago! I don't know what my issue is. I haven't stopped the diet or anything, but I, as I said before, am REALLY struggling. I desperately want to be done, but I feel like I am not even close. Feeling a little depressed too. Don't know what I need to do to get out of this funk, but I wish the solution would present itself soon, I really don't want to screw this up.

Weigh day...
     On a slightly more positive note, today was weigh day and I lost 3.6 lbs. Brings my total to 44.5 lbs. Every day I get closer, yet every day it seems like my goal is an eternity away.

*God, could I sound anymore sullen today? Ick. Maybe a Noreen visit would help :o)

Friday, July 1, 2011

Weigh day again (after a long silence!)

New beginnings...

Ok, so this was my worst of all worst weeks. I did lose, but only 1.7 lbs. So I have made a decision. As of now, I am going to go back to the start of my diet and follow it word for word. I never had anything that wasn't allowed on my diet, but I definitely became more lax about eyeballing things instead of weighing and had more cheese servings.
So, from now on I am back to basics to see if I can give myself another jumpstart on this diet. I am approximately half way through so I don't want to lose my momentum yet (which I sort of have).

I will be weighing my 13 oz. of protein and I will be strict about everything I eat so that it matches the diet 100%.

This will also include a post every day -- I will be using this to keep track of my food and probably to bitch a little bit! :op
---I should note though, my daily posts will not start until Monday/Tuesday. My whole family will be at my house this weekend and realistically I am not going to have the time or energy to do much!!

On that note I am off on a cleaning spree at the moment so see you Monday/Tuesday and every day after that! I am still determined to reach my goal, even if I start feeling better about myself! (God willing!)

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