Back on track

About time...
     So I can comfortably say this was a good week. After having what feelings like several not so good weeks, all I can say is it's about freakin time! Was down 4 pounds this week. Takes me to 53.6 pounds overall. It also takes me down into another news set of numbers...I do love when that happens. I have attached my chart as well, it helps me put it into perspective and realize that I have come a long way.

More to come...
     Later on today or tomorrow (my parents are visiting this weekend) I am going to remeasure everything and do some new stats...I'm interested to find out how much things have changed since the last time.

Ketosis good news

The good news...
    I do at least seem to be back into a state of ketosis. I still don't know why I ceased that last week, but as long as I am back in and stay there I'm ok!

Away all weekend AGAIN! Advice needed on Protein Sparing Modified Fast!

All freakin' weekend...
     So I was away all weekend again! This made weighing myself difficult, however, I will estimate my loss last week at one pound...which let's be honest, that sucks! I am not happy. I do have a factor or two coming into play, starting with the fact that it was just crappy timing in terms of which part of the month it was, I don't think I need to elaborate.

Back to basics...
     That being said, the past few days I have been doing quite well getting back to the basics I think. Sticking to a more stringent diet, so hopefully I will be able to see that this Friday...if not, I am afraid of what might happen. Because quite frankly, I am NOT going to make myself miserable with this diet if I am not going to continue to lose significant amounts of weight from it.

Help: advice and suggestions welcome!
     Which comes to my next point. I would really love to hear from anyone who has done, or is doing this diet and what that did/plan to do in the re-feeding phase. My current plans are to start the re-feeding process when I am about 15 pounds away from my goal. My rationale for this is that I will not go too crazy as I begin to add carbs back into my diet. I will be adding them in slowly and since I will still want to finish up the last little bit, I will be able to stay motivated to keep it in check and healthy.
     I also plan on running again as soon as I start putting carbs back into the diet, so hopefully that will help too. Again ANY suggestions would be much appreciated!

Save me from this temptation!

Temptation served with a side of guilt....
     Temptation is all around... Seriously, ALL around! Today was the worst! I have been claiming how the past couple weeks have been a little more difficult and I have been wanting regular food more, but today was by far the worst. I baked a cake for my husband (tomorrow is International Food Day at his work). It actually turned out pretty cool. I made a red velvet cake and gave it a raspberry jam-ish filling by poking holes throughout the cake and pouring it in. Then I made a cool whip/cream cheese frosting and my husband topped it off with blueberries and raspberries creating a Union Jack flag. He is proud to be British! :o)
     Now to the bad part. I was so flustered this morning, running around like crazy trying to pack us up to take the kids to my parents' for the week/weekend. I had to go to the store to get the ingredients for the cake, etc. Plus the general fact that pretty much everything is a production with two kids (3 and under).
     So here I am amidst my chaos, trying to ignore the glorious smell of the cake batter, when I did it. Looking back on it, it's like slow motion. I see it happening, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I licked the spoon. I think there was some part of me (given that I haven't put myself in a position to bake a cake since I have been on the diet) that just instinctually licked the spoon. But then, it's like something happens to you. Your body recognizes the sugar instantly and wants more! It was horribly wonderful of course.
     I mean, I haven't had anything that wonderful tasting near my mouth in months, then all of the sudden there it is and I am losing self control, and quick.... Oh man... needless to say I did stop, but not until I had licked the spoon a few times and then I felt miserably guilty.

But for two glorious minutes I remembered what it felt like to be human...

*I personally like my added touch of the disposable pan...I won't be back home for 5 days...just imagine the sheer bitterness of scrubbing a 5-day-old cake pan. Let's be honest, it would have gotten tossed anyway!

NEGLECT!

Struggle and Neglect...
     It has come to my attention (via a few emails) that I am neglecting my blogging responsibilities. I could give a lot of excuses for this (like my two kids and million things to do), however I really think that I am just really struggling the past couple weeks. (Not to be too repetitive!) I would give anything for a donut or some Ben & Jerry's right now!! As usual, I haven't cheated, but I am an awful person to be around this weekend especially (just ask my husband).

Small losses...
     I am seriously considering changing my weigh day to Saturdays. It always seems like I am significantly lighter on Saturday mornings vs. Friday mornings...don't know what that's about. Regardless, my weigh day was reasonable...lost two pounds. Would probably help my attitude to have a higher loss though...when I feel like I'm really struggling then don't have a significant loss it makes it a lot harder to keep my motivation up. (Still grateful overall though of course...up to 46.5 lbs.)

Next Friday...
     I think that next Friday I will do my usual update (and I will make a concerted effort to be more attentive to my blog) and I think I will also update my other stats again. I like doing that occasionally too because its just more numbers you get to see changing!

Joke...
     I was just rereading my July 1st post...HA! Obviously I still have gotten up the motivation to live up to that post!

I'm hungry!!!

Mid-diet crisis...
     I'm still not sure if it's that I am half-way through my diet and starting to have a slightly less strict mindset because I'm actually starting to know a difference, or if my body is telling me that it's sick of this shit... whatever the reason, I am really struggling.

Clearly unmotivated...
     I have lost some element of motivation that I had before. I started writing this post two or three days ago! I don't know what my issue is. I haven't stopped the diet or anything, but I, as I said before, am REALLY struggling. I desperately want to be done, but I feel like I am not even close. Feeling a little depressed too. Don't know what I need to do to get out of this funk, but I wish the solution would present itself soon, I really don't want to screw this up.

Weigh day...
     On a slightly more positive note, today was weigh day and I lost 3.6 lbs. Brings my total to 44.5 lbs. Every day I get closer, yet every day it seems like my goal is an eternity away.

*God, could I sound anymore sullen today? Ick. Maybe a Noreen visit would help :o)

Weigh day again (after a long silence!)

New beginnings...

Ok, so this was my worst of all worst weeks. I did lose, but only 1.7 lbs. So I have made a decision. As of now, I am going to go back to the start of my diet and follow it word for word. I never had anything that wasn't allowed on my diet, but I definitely became more lax about eyeballing things instead of weighing and had more cheese servings.
So, from now on I am back to basics to see if I can give myself another jumpstart on this diet. I am approximately half way through so I don't want to lose my momentum yet (which I sort of have).

I will be weighing my 13 oz. of protein and I will be strict about everything I eat so that it matches the diet 100%.

This will also include a post every day -- I will be using this to keep track of my food and probably to bitch a little bit! :op
---I should note though, my daily posts will not start until Monday/Tuesday. My whole family will be at my house this weekend and realistically I am not going to have the time or energy to do much!!

On that note I am off on a cleaning spree at the moment so see you Monday/Tuesday and every day after that! I am still determined to reach my goal, even if I start feeling better about myself! (God willing!)

Weigh Day again

Not too shabby...
     Well, this was a pretty decent week. I lost 3.6 lbs I am however a little disappointed...My next benchmark was going to be 40 lbs and this week's loss took me to 39.2, a stinkin' eight-tenths of a pound away! How frustrating! Oh, well, I guess I can't complain too much...just frustrating to come so close!

No Sleep...
     I swear I haven't had a decent night's sleep in 3 years (make that 4 - pregnancy is just as bad for sleep as babies). But the past week has been hellish! I'm trying to get my one-year-old to sleep in his new crib and it has turned out to be quite the exhausting ordeal. This is not helping make my PSMF easier either. When I am constantly up that late at night I am seriously craving chocolate! I swear if I were a sleep walker I would probably be walking to the nearest store with almond joys!

Half way point...
     So I am around what I had considered the half-way point of my diet. When I made my progress charts I made them for twenty weeks and I am currently at week ten.  I can't figure out if I am reaching a slump (in terms of motivation) or just the opposite. Some days I feel so FREAKING sick of eating protein and vegetables and NOTHING else. And some days I feel super motivated by the fact that I am finally noticing a difference in terms of clothes size etc. Think I need some more motivation. Any suggestions?

Other stats...

Other promising statistics and numbers...


BMI: my bmi is down six points

Size: sometimes it's hard to tell this accurately because of the difference in stores etc. But, it seems like my clothes size went down about three sizes. My bra size also appears to have gone down, they are also much more flattering (slightly less pudge to stick out!)

Inches: Overall (if I am adding them up the correct way) I have lost 21.5 inches. 2 per thigh, 1.25 per calf, 6 in my waist, 4 on my hips, 1 per bicep, 3 on my chest.

Weigh day let down...

Down, but not much...
     So I clearly jinxed myself yesterday, but I thought I was having a particularly good week because when I weighed myself yesterday morning I was down quite a bit. However, I was about 1.2 pounds heavier this morning than yesterday morning...that has not happened since I started this diet. I always consistently go down day to day, or at the very least stay the same...never went up though.
     Either way, my loss for this week was 2.9 lbs. I figure that's not too bad either considering my last weigh day was actually Sunday, so I only had 5 days, instead of the usual seven. Will probably weigh myself on Sunday too, just to see what the full week would have brought me. Today's weight will remain my official count for the week though.

Running total: 35.6 pounds

Weigh day tomorrow!

Friday morning is nearly here (duh-duh-duhhhhh)...
     Feeling pretty positive about tomorrow morning's weigh in. Had a good clothes week I guess...went into American Eagle for the first time in years and fit comfortably in a pair of their jeans (and not the biggest size they offer either!)
     Fingers crossed things go as well as hoped!

No Sleep....

Three days...
     So for the past three days I haven't really been sleeping. This poses a particular problem with my diet because then I not only have to fight hunger pangs and carb cravings all day long, but then in the middle of the night as well when, let's be honest, inhibitions are lowered anyway. It's been rough, especially last night when I literally didn't sleep AT ALL!
     And I would not admit to this if not for the saving grace of the anonymity of blogging, but in my sleepless hungry hours I have watched the entire series of Wildfire! I think I actually had an addiction. Just finished the last episode this morning. So of course last night I was sitting on the couch bawling my eyes out most of the night. It is a very dramatic show...

No cheating...
     Regardless of my hopeless battle with hunger and cravings I have managed not to cheat. I have only Diet Mountain Dew and cigarettes to thank for that though (and my very supportive husband)! Those are healthy ways of fighting food cravings right? :op

So Hungry... Day 61

Being back home does not equal easier diet...

     So, I really did think that being back home would make being on my diet easier. Not so much. I want to eat EVERYTHING right now. I know I'm still not really settled in, I mean I haven't even been back a week and the weekend was full of birthday parties and lots of visitors, but holy cow this week has been rough. I mean, I have never found the smell of cereal so ridiculously appealing! Every morning when I feed Liam his cereal I am practically drooling... what I wouldn't give for a carbalicious bowl of Captain Crunch! Haha. Oh well...

The good part...

     The good thing is that I seem to be able to notice a slight drop in weight every morning. Which, I am not sure that I was able to do in London. Although I couldn't exactly read the scale properly so who knows! Either way it's the only thing keeping me going on this hellish no-carb regimen. 

32 lbs and going strong (I hope!)...

Update

Delay...
     Well apparently the past two weigh days have been Sundays. Between not having a scale in Paris and then coming home and feeling very bloated...well you get the point. This week it will be Friday as usual though. I am home, my first weekend full of catching up and my son's birthday party is over. I can finally find some routine and stability in my days.
     Hopefully this will only help my weight loss. In the mean time my most recent weight loss was 2.1 lbs. Bringing me to 32.7.

Hopefully I will have more time to blog this week....did I mention how happy I am to be home :o)

Blah...

Home Sweet Home
     So I am finally home! And thrilled to be home, but feeling very blah! So tired and well, just blah!! Didn't weigh myself this morning out of self-preservation. I feel very bloated due to traveling and didn't want to screw myself over by weighing myself while retaining water. I can't handle a downer right now!
    I will weigh myself tomorrow morning though. Hoping for the best, but still don't know what the difference in scales will be, etc. So....
     We shall see I guess.

Late weigh day

Another guesstimate...
     Once again I had no one to read the scale for me, so it was another guess, between 3 & 4 lbs. lost, so I will stick with the lower (3) just in case! Brings my total to just over 30 lbs. Can't figure out what is wrong with me though! I just can't get excited about that. I think it's because on one of the charts I have made (I have two) I have written down how much weight I want to lose and I see that big number and think that no other number matters much in comparison...

Survived Paris...
     I can't even believe I survived my whole Paris trip without eating anything non-diet.  My three-year-old's behavior was horrendous to the point he had me in tears (a lot). I'm sure if you have read any of my previous blogs you know that his behavior since we began our month in London has slowly taken away all his manners and his behavior has gotten worse. However, our trip to Paris was the most horrifying, mortifying, ungodly experience I've ever had.
     Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed as much of my trip as possible, but he threw fits (in public) that I have never witnessed on any child before. He actually smacked me in the face...that has never happened in his whole life until he started getting too spoiled and allowed to get away with anything in London. It is so frustrating because I don't know how to cope with this kind of behavior, I have never HAD to deal with this kind of behavior. I am totally lost.
     Anyway, the point to all of this was that I survived being around wonderfully delicious food 24/7 while being beyond stressed and I didn't touch any of it! I at least feel proud of myself for that (and also a little sad!)...I was in Paris and didn't get to have ANY French food...no croissant, no chocolates, nothing...

Sigh...

Weigh Day come and gone...

No scale...
     So here I am in France and by the grace of God alone have managed to stick to my diet. Every where I go I smell wonderful pastries and other delicious foods! And to make it worse...this has been the worst trip ever with the kids. I am enjoying myself here, but the kids' behavior has been absolutely appalling. I am embarrassed every time we are out and horrified by the time I get back to the house. I can't wait to get home and get them back to normal. They are NOT this poorly behaved all the time and I don't even know where to start when addressing it!
     Anyway...can't do my weigh day today because I don't have a scale, so I guess I will just weigh myself when I get back on Sunday morning and go with that number as my estimate.

Until then...
     Until Sunday, I will be off to the Louvre and the Paris Aquarium. Did a little shopping and site seeing, now I get to do what I was most excited about! Yay! And hopefully the aquarium will keep the kids very occupied because I don't know how much more of this behavior I can handle without losing my mind!!

Day 47 of my PSMF (Protein Sparing Modified Fast)

Progress...
     So, I guess I should feel really happy with my progress overall. I have been on the fast for a little over six weeks and I am down (as of last weigh-in) just under 30 lbs. Not really sure though how that will pan out once I am back in the States...the scale here at my in-law's (in London) absolutely sucks! I can barely read what my weight is, and because it is first and foremost measured in stones, then kilos, THEN pounds, I literally need someone else to read the scale while I'm on it to get an accurate reading. And since my husband has abandoned me here in London, I have to just take the best guess. I have been assuming the lesser number (in terms of pounds lost) just in case.
     It has definitely been harder here too, not just the food...which I have stuck to the food I need to, but it is more difficult with measurements. But, by far the hardest thing is not being able to drink. Let me preface this by saying: I am not a big drinker, I would even go as far to say I rarely drink when I'm at home (in the states). However, I am in London, where pub culture is everywhere, plus I am staying with my in-laws with my one year old and three year old... in other words, I'm super stressed!!
     So, basically I am saying that I have had the occasional glass of wine, but I think, all things considered, I have done pretty well! I'm sure to some extent it has slowed my weight loss, but I can accept that. Especially since I know that once I'm back at home I will go back to my routine with food, no drinking, and lesssssss stress!

To Paris...
     So tomorrow morning I am off to Paris with the kids to meet a friend! Excited to meet up with her and hang out in the city for a few days, but still a little stressed about traveling alone with them. I realize that this trip will be a piece of cake compared to flying back to the states with them by myself, but I'm still anxious about it.

Jusqu'à Paris ... Au revoir! 
(Thank you Google Translate)

Weigh Day...Third of four in London...

Slowin' down...
     Still hate this scale...Not really certain what my weight loss is for the week, but my guess is 2-3 lbs. It would seem that is another slow down. Although, really I have myself to blame. I have still been sticking to the diet (no foods eaten that aren't listed), but I have also not been AS careful with the portions because I don't have a food scale here and have been guessing a lot.
     And probably more importantly, there is the fact that I have indulged in wine a couple of times since I have been here. It was necessary though, so I guess I just have to suck it up and accept that my weight loss will start speeding up again in a couple weeks when I get home (I miss home!!)

Worth it...
     Went out with an old friend last night and shared a couple bottles of wine. GREAT time! I so needed it! I could not have had a worse day if I had planned it to be bad! I had the kids to myself, so I planned (in great detail) a day out at the London Aquarium, London Eye, and the Thames River Cruise. The night before I had packed our lunches, got the back pack all set up with diapers, wipes, and toys. I knew which bus to take, etc.
     What actually happened was: The bus took SO long to get their that by the time I got us into the aquarium I realised I had to get us back out again so that we wouldn't miss our 12:45 river cruise (which I had planned at that time so I could give the kids lunch on the boat.
     It took 45 minutes to find my way out of that damn aquarium! I got completely lost! We missed our boat so had to been rescheduled for the 1:45 one. This meant eating lunch outside on the wet tables (did I mention this was the first day it decided to PISS down rain)!
     So we had just enough time to eat lunch and for the kids to get bored and cranky before we got on the boat...then I was completely mortified by these freshly spoiled kids during our boat ride! I know grandparents are supposed to spoil kids, but my kids were never spoiled, in fact I was always proud of how well behaved they were in public...I always made a big effort for them to be respectful and polite. Their behavior has taken a complete 180 since we have been here though...I have so much damage control when I get home!
    Anyway...ended up skipping the Eye, got lost for an hour and a half trying to find a bus stop that was working and had my bus...took an hour and a half to get back home because it was right at the end of the school day (that was really enjoyable...).
     So, needless to say...I needed a glass of wine!

Delays!

Sorry for the delay...
     Ok, so I didn't realize how difficult it would be to sit down and blog after my husband abandoned me [;o)] in London with my in-laws! I feel very awkward just sitting and typing away on the computer while sitting in a room with them. Right now, my mother-in-law took the kids in the stroller to the shop and my father-in-law (who I feel markedly more comfortable around anyway) is reading the paper...soooo I feel I can at least do a quick update.

SLOWING down...
     So, it appears that my weight loss is slowing down here. I do realize that the scale isn't as accurate (much harder to read), and that I have been stressed, however, I have been CONSTANTLY on the move, shoving the kids around in the stroller one place or another. I also have a harder time with measurements and my mother-in-law is also insisting on preparing my dinner. I have made it very clear that I am on a very strict diet, but this does not stop her. In her defense she has been giving me plates with either salmon or some other protein and vegetables, but there have been too many vegetables and the protein servings are not measured.
     So basically, since my husband (a.k.a. my voice in the house) left, I haven't lost anything. Weigh day isn't until Friday, but seeing as how I haven't lost anything up until today (Wednesday), it's not looking good...

Rambling...
     Excuse my writing...if it sounds like I'm rambling or rushing, well, I am! I need to update here, take a shower, and have gone to the drug store before the kids get back! Must run! Any suggestions for my current food situation/mother-in-law situation would be welcome!

*Oh, and I have been checking my ketones...while my husband was here I was measuring moderate to high...now I am back down to small. Boo!