Late weigh day

Another guesstimate...
     Once again I had no one to read the scale for me, so it was another guess, between 3 & 4 lbs. lost, so I will stick with the lower (3) just in case! Brings my total to just over 30 lbs. Can't figure out what is wrong with me though! I just can't get excited about that. I think it's because on one of the charts I have made (I have two) I have written down how much weight I want to lose and I see that big number and think that no other number matters much in comparison...

Survived Paris...
     I can't even believe I survived my whole Paris trip without eating anything non-diet.  My three-year-old's behavior was horrendous to the point he had me in tears (a lot). I'm sure if you have read any of my previous blogs you know that his behavior since we began our month in London has slowly taken away all his manners and his behavior has gotten worse. However, our trip to Paris was the most horrifying, mortifying, ungodly experience I've ever had.
     Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed as much of my trip as possible, but he threw fits (in public) that I have never witnessed on any child before. He actually smacked me in the face...that has never happened in his whole life until he started getting too spoiled and allowed to get away with anything in London. It is so frustrating because I don't know how to cope with this kind of behavior, I have never HAD to deal with this kind of behavior. I am totally lost.
     Anyway, the point to all of this was that I survived being around wonderfully delicious food 24/7 while being beyond stressed and I didn't touch any of it! I at least feel proud of myself for that (and also a little sad!)...I was in Paris and didn't get to have ANY French food...no croissant, no chocolates, nothing...

Sigh...

Day 47 of my PSMF (Protein Sparing Modified Fast)

Progress...
     So, I guess I should feel really happy with my progress overall. I have been on the fast for a little over six weeks and I am down (as of last weigh-in) just under 30 lbs. Not really sure though how that will pan out once I am back in the States...the scale here at my in-law's (in London) absolutely sucks! I can barely read what my weight is, and because it is first and foremost measured in stones, then kilos, THEN pounds, I literally need someone else to read the scale while I'm on it to get an accurate reading. And since my husband has abandoned me here in London, I have to just take the best guess. I have been assuming the lesser number (in terms of pounds lost) just in case.
     It has definitely been harder here too, not just the food...which I have stuck to the food I need to, but it is more difficult with measurements. But, by far the hardest thing is not being able to drink. Let me preface this by saying: I am not a big drinker, I would even go as far to say I rarely drink when I'm at home (in the states). However, I am in London, where pub culture is everywhere, plus I am staying with my in-laws with my one year old and three year old... in other words, I'm super stressed!!
     So, basically I am saying that I have had the occasional glass of wine, but I think, all things considered, I have done pretty well! I'm sure to some extent it has slowed my weight loss, but I can accept that. Especially since I know that once I'm back at home I will go back to my routine with food, no drinking, and lesssssss stress!

To Paris...
     So tomorrow morning I am off to Paris with the kids to meet a friend! Excited to meet up with her and hang out in the city for a few days, but still a little stressed about traveling alone with them. I realize that this trip will be a piece of cake compared to flying back to the states with them by myself, but I'm still anxious about it.

Jusqu'à Paris ... Au revoir! 
(Thank you Google Translate)

A rare moment of silence...

Recap...
     So, quick recap of the last, say, five years of my life. Met a Brit, fell in love, gained weight, diagnosed with PCOS, graduated with a degree in Journalism (with which I have done nothing relevant), got married, lived in London for a year, got pregnant (very blessed), got fat, had a miscarriage, got fatter, got pregnant again (doubly blessed), got even fatter, now one year later am attempting the Protein Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF) while visiting the in-laws for a month in London.
     Now I wondered if my stress levels may have been hindering my weight loss. The past few weeks (finals, packing, moving, traveling with a one year-old and three year-old) have been chaotic and extremely stressful. I have been losing weight, but I have also noticed that with each week that passes I lose a little less. I realize this could be a natural part of this unnatural diet, but at the same time, I eat so little I feel like I should be wasting away right now. And, although my husband says I am, I am in fact not wasting away.

Damn kilos and stones...
     Initially I thought the scale here at my in-laws' house was fairly close to mine, maybe a pound off. But that is mostly because I happened to be right on one of the stone marks. However, I either cannot tell if I am losing weight, because the pound markers are minuscule in size, or I am in fact not losing weight...to which I would say: "What a crock of shit!"
     I have probably eaten less here that at home...still in ketosis...and walking ALOT. I should at the very least keep up the same pattern as before, if not increase the weight loss. I have a very distinct feeling that I am just going to be frustrated until I get home in three weeks to weigh myself on my scale. This is unbearable! And I even had my husband grab the scale from home and bring it to my parents house so I could weigh myself right before we left (and sadly I also considered packing it, but our bags would have been too heavy).

Added stress...
     To really put the stress-eating-urge into overdrive, I had to take my one-year-old to the hospital last night with a ridiculously high fever. He is fine, just some tonsillitis, but I have not been so tempted to eat something bad since I started this diet. Thank God there's no chocolate cake sitting in front of my face...oh wait, there is...

Of course...weigh day! How did I forget?!

Ok... down 3.2lbs... Again... good to be down, but my concern is that each week is less and less in terms of how much I lose. I don't know whether or not I should be concerned. Been sticking strictly to the diet (other than the wine tonight).... hmmmm...any thoughts?

Guess I should throw in TWL (total weight loss) is now 20.7... which does mean that I've met my first goal and I get to get my tattoo! Yay! ---May just do that while I'm in London...we'll see!

So London with pubs it is...

Answers...
     Ok...the only non-diet thing I've done since commencement... I had two glasses of wine at the pub. The good news is I'm just fine...with exception of being slightly on the tipsy side. Considering I'm on vacation though I think I've done pretty fantastic. For goodness sake I had my mother-in-law LITERALLY trying to shove chocolate in my mouth and I resisted. I think if I can stick with it and have the occasional glass of wine I'm still in good shape. Then, when I return to the states, I will go back to normal...no wine, no nothing worth enjoying....


Is that awful?

Insomnia...

Day three of packing...
     So my husband is already in Columbus at his new job, and here I am with a one-year-old, a three-year-old, and a shit-load of packing to do. Three days into packing and I swear on my life there is nothing packed! How can so much shit fit into a two bedroom apartment? Oh, did I mention it's finals week?
     Ok, I'm not going to complain anymore about it, mostly because I think it can only be considered therapeutic and not completely annoying when you do it for one or two posts...any more than that, well you get the point. Ok...just one more thing...
      THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER WITH A GLASS OF WINE!! Or at least a little chocolate :o)


Nevertheless...
     Regardless of what has been going on, I can't believe I've actually stuck to this diet 100%! Yay! I was a little terrified over the past couple weeks (and the coming few weeks too) because it is so stressful right now, but I feel like I'm coping ok. With a little help from the occasional Adavant.... ;o)

Anyone out there?
     I don't presume to believe that anyone actually reads my blog besides my husband and my friend Noreen (blog shout-out)...but if there is anyone else doing this fast right now, I would love to here how they are doing and what they are doing to help them cope!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Eleven -- Oh the irony...

Irony...
     So I think it's pretty ironic that I manage to survive all the Easter baskets and Easter dinner, especially considering the only thing I had available to me for lunch was raw cucumber, I made it through all that without cheating, then I weigh myself the next day I was up. Ok only like two-tenths of a pound, but still...how ridiculous!

Going Simple...
     So I have decided that the easiest and probably best thing for me while I'm struggling is to keep it very simple. So today (and yesterday alike) I had chicken for breakfast (I know...yuck), chicken and broccoli for lunch, and...you guessed it, chicken and broccoli for dinner. I drank tons of water as usual and I think I had one twenty ounce Diet Mountain Dew (so I didn't go over my aspartame restrictions.

Chaos...
     My life in a nutshell: Babies (1 & 3), husband, endless laundry, painful feet due to "toy on the floor" syndrome, Grad school, two weeks until a month in London with the in-laws, one week until my husband starts a new job in a new city, two days until I have to go apartment hunting AGAIN, four days until my son's first birthday party, 14 hours until I have to present to my class, and approximately 5 minutes until I completely lose my mind... I miss wine.

Staying strong...
     I can proudly say though that I have not swayed once, even though I want to go crazy, I have stuck to my guns! REALLY hope I can keep it up... and I really hope I am given reason to keep it up as well. I'm ok suffering through an extreme diet, but ONLY if I see the results. Wish me luck...

PSMF w/PCOS Day Five -- Beware of the Fat Lady

More tests...
     So I was a little more than annoyed as I pushed through morning rush hour traffic to Cleveland to get another round of blood drawn, fluids collected, and an EKG. But, I get it, I had to do it. Not a great start to the day though especially since it was raining and since I couldn't find a parking space I had to pay $12 for valet parking (SLOW valet parking). Got it done though and managed to make it home without hurting anyway, even though I was starving because I had to be fasting for my tests. Wait...I thought I already was fasting??

Screaming babies, cleaning toilets, and still hungry...
     I had a fairly cooped up day due to the rain and all the work I need to get done. Unfortunately this only exaggerated my irritated mood and growing hunger for wine and chocolate. If I was cleaning, the babies were screaming. If I was playing with the babies they were making enormous messes and being quite grumpy due to the lack of attention earlier and the EXTREME lack of sleep we all got last night. It was definitely a no-win situation today.
     And, I don't know if it was because I didn't get breakfast, or because of my general grumpiness, but I really had to stand firm today and constantly remind myself not to eat anything that wasn't on the diet list. I actually think it may have had something to do with the phone call from my endocrinologist yesterday. She was insisting I stop the diet for two days until she gives me the go ahead, and I think the devil on my shoulder, better known as Ben & Jerry, was nagging at the back of my mind saying: "It's not technically cheating because she doesn't want me doing it anyway..."
     Happy to say I did not slip up. Too grumpy to be proud right now, maybe I will be in the morning.

Boring food...
     So today consisted of no breakfast, two eggs, the last tiny bit of cooked chicken in the fridge, cottage cheese, and broccoli for lunch (5 oz of protein and one serving of vegetables). Dinner was more chicken and more broccoli (6 oz of protein and one serving of vegetables).

Ketones, where are you?
     Ketones still came up as small today...hoping they'll pick up a little. Still waiting for their benefits of lack of hunger, etc.

**Oh, and I changed my font to KRANKY....seemed appropriate. :o)

PSMF w/PCOS Day Three -- Pottery without the wine?

Hunger...
     Ok, so obviously this is not the first time I've felt hungry, but it is the first time I woke up feeling hungry enough, and aware enough of what I could/couldn't eat, that I was pretty genuinely grumpy...sorry hunny.
I think that the natural high that you get in the first day, maybe two, of the diet just knowing you are starting a new diet and thinking about all the possibilities has begun to worn off. And the ketosis has not started yet, I checked with my chem strips this morning and it seemed to be reading "trace," so I am not yet enjoying the benefits of lack of hunger and burst of energy.
     Don't misunderstand me, I am aware and accepting of the difficulties that come with starting a new diet. It's hardly news to me. But, so long as I am blogging all about this diet... I will have to bitch about it sometimes too. Where would be the truth if I didn't.

Pottery without the lunch...
     Today I am going pottery painting for a friend's birthday. Luckily no one was able to meet for lunch in the end, because given the mood I woke up in this morning it would not have been pleasant or easy. And hey...maybe the pottery will take my mind off of hunger for awhile. Although, there will probably be wine and that will probably be even harder to resist.... I love wine.