Weigh Day...and moving day!

Check in:
     Ok, so 4 pounds down this week. Again, realize that's good, but having a hard time getting psyched about it.... I'm sure I'll feel better after we're moved and settled and I'm not so stressed.

PSMF w/PCOS Day Eighteen -- Sigh (solution to chocolate cravings)

Sigh of relief...
     Well I woke up this morning with renewed hope. Weighed in a pound and a half less than yesterday. Really wondering if missing my Magnesium two days in a row caused this blip? It is supposed to keep you from bloating. Hmm...anyway, at least I don't feel quite so frustrated anymore.

Papers, packing, class, kids...when do I sleep?
     The one good thing I can say is that I officially finished my papers this morning...Thank the Lord. However, I still have EVERYTHING to pack for the move...oh and the movers arrive Friday at 9am, have an exam to study for on Thursday, class at night, kids all day, and I am missing one husband who is basking in his freedom in Columbus at his new job, which incidentally is a lingerie company.... sounds suspicious to me ;o)

I almost forgot! 
     I MAY have found a solution to the chocolate problem! (Did I already talk about this?) Horrible memory...anyway...Tofutti fudgsicles. They aren't half bad. You kind of have to get past the slightly slimy outside, although I think that could be my freezer's fault. I realized the door wasn't all the way shut so I think they started melting. Either way, worth a try if you are as desperate as me for chocolate!

Ahhh yes, Day Thirteen...

Everything revolves around food...
     So now that it's coming to the end of the semester apparently everyone feels it's necessary to bring food to class. I'm in my Tuesday night class, minding my own business, when I am suddenly assaulted by the overwhelming smell of Doritos and chocolate!
     Seriously? I have never been so attune to the smell of chocolate and questionably flavored little triangles. I'm still so hungary!

Another road trip...
     So I have to go on yet another apartment hunting trip to Columbus, only this time alone. I was a little nervous because, I mean who on a diet hasn't snuck the Hershey bar when no one was looking...it never happened then right?
     I actually had a fabulous day though! I spent the hour and half down listening to music, signing and dancing to music... I apologize to any truck drivers who were unfortunate enough to witness that spectacle. It was really nice though. Peaceful. Kids were being taken care of for the day, I just got to drive and think.
     I managed to stick to my guns too...went through McDonald's drive through and got only a diet coke.

Surprising self-control...
     Since I have been having such a hard time coping with the diet thus far, I am actually a little surprised that I have been able to abstain from...well pretty much all food. I think I'm even a little proud of myself! :o) Still really waiting for the perks of ketosis to kick in though. I mean, I am seriously questioning if I am in ketosis. Just because ketones are present does that necessarily mean you are in ketosis? Arg. I am looking forward to my next appointment with my dietitian.

Chocolate....mmmmm.... did I say that already? 
     I miss it. I actually pulled EVERY box of fudgesicles out of the Giant Eagle freezer section to check calories, fat, and carbs. I was hoping desperately that if one of them were close enough to the popsicles I am allowed, it might satisfy my chocolate craving. Don't make the mistake I did... there is no solution...

PSMF w/PCOS Day Ten -- Easter

Curses...
     I curse the person who turned Easter into a chocolate loving, candy filled holiday. I have a fairly big family, so we will go to my grandpa's house and everyone will be there with crap-loads of chocolate and we'll have a big traditional dinner with all my favorite foods... and I will be eating 4 oz of boiled chicken and 3.5 oz of plain broccoli. Wait, do I hear violins faintly playing in the background again?

Challenge...
     So today will be my biggest challenge in this fast thus far...Wish me luck! Hopefully when I check in later I will still be hungry & grumpy...but proud of myself!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Eight -- Weigh day

Dun Dun Dunnnnn...
     So I wake up, get through my usual morning routine...diapers, bottles, etc. Then I take my sweet ass time getting to the bathroom (starting to get nervous).  FULLY empty my bladder... would hate for there to be a 1 oz. difference! ;o)
     So I finally make my way to the scale... down 7.5 pounds. Now I know I should be super excited about it, but I can't seem to find the motivation to be excited. I also know that I make no sense.

Blah! Everything else...
     I am going to try and make it a point this week to talk to either my dietitian or my therapist, or preferably someone else who is doing this diet. I swear I have spent the past three days minimum crying. My husband must be terrified that he's going to have to lock me up or something! I realize I have a lot going on, oh with the babies, grad school, impending trip to London to visit the in-laws, my husband's new job that starts in a week (in a different city), the move to the new city, all things to be completed before the month in London...
     I'd like to think that I am allowed a mini breakdown here, but then maybe someone is reading this (if anyone is reading this!) and saying "Oh stop being a whiney bitch." I'll admit I can be whiney sometimes, although I do try to avoid it at all costs. But everyone needs a little pity party sometimes!
     Oh, and still no real presence of ketones beyond small and still HUNGRY!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Seven -- Seriously?

Laundry and crying...
     So I would love to know how other people are doing on this diet. I don't know if it's the diet itself or the insane amount of upheaval in my life right now, but apparently I am an emotional mess. I spent my day doing laundry and crying. That really was about the extent of it until I had to go to class and watch everyone eat candy and cookies...seriously?

Headaches galor...
     I was told that I might have a headache for the first few days, but seeing as this is day seven and all I thought I would be past that. Especially since I don't think I even had one in the first couple days. (Although I would have to re-read my own blog because I have the worst memory on the face of the earth!) Have had this steady, almost hangover like, headache since about 11AM...seriously?

Broken computers, long classes, and family dinners...
     So while attempting to finish a paper for tonights class my computer decided to hate me and died. Must take to the Apple store first thing tomorrow. Needless to say my paper is not yet completed. But still, I went to class and sat through a much longer session than I anticipated. I'm exhausted...is it the emotion, stress, lack of food, I don't know, but I am absolutely exhausted.
     Finally class ends, so I make my way to my parents house for our traditional Passover meal (one of my favorite of the year incidently) of lamb, tabouli, and pita. Of course I can't eat most of it so I sit hungrily watching other people eat my favorite food.
     I continue to monitor my ketones, I have been checking morning and evening just for comparison sake, and I'm still not very impressed with the results. Continues to show between trace and small, and occassionally moderate. This is the element that is supposed to keep me from getting hungry (and I am starving right now), and is supposed to give me an energy boost, did I mention I'm exhausted?
     I mean, really, all I can say is: Seriously??

PSMF w/PCOS Day Five -- Beware of the Fat Lady

More tests...
     So I was a little more than annoyed as I pushed through morning rush hour traffic to Cleveland to get another round of blood drawn, fluids collected, and an EKG. But, I get it, I had to do it. Not a great start to the day though especially since it was raining and since I couldn't find a parking space I had to pay $12 for valet parking (SLOW valet parking). Got it done though and managed to make it home without hurting anyway, even though I was starving because I had to be fasting for my tests. Wait...I thought I already was fasting??

Screaming babies, cleaning toilets, and still hungry...
     I had a fairly cooped up day due to the rain and all the work I need to get done. Unfortunately this only exaggerated my irritated mood and growing hunger for wine and chocolate. If I was cleaning, the babies were screaming. If I was playing with the babies they were making enormous messes and being quite grumpy due to the lack of attention earlier and the EXTREME lack of sleep we all got last night. It was definitely a no-win situation today.
     And, I don't know if it was because I didn't get breakfast, or because of my general grumpiness, but I really had to stand firm today and constantly remind myself not to eat anything that wasn't on the diet list. I actually think it may have had something to do with the phone call from my endocrinologist yesterday. She was insisting I stop the diet for two days until she gives me the go ahead, and I think the devil on my shoulder, better known as Ben & Jerry, was nagging at the back of my mind saying: "It's not technically cheating because she doesn't want me doing it anyway..."
     Happy to say I did not slip up. Too grumpy to be proud right now, maybe I will be in the morning.

Boring food...
     So today consisted of no breakfast, two eggs, the last tiny bit of cooked chicken in the fridge, cottage cheese, and broccoli for lunch (5 oz of protein and one serving of vegetables). Dinner was more chicken and more broccoli (6 oz of protein and one serving of vegetables).

Ketones, where are you?
     Ketones still came up as small today...hoping they'll pick up a little. Still waiting for their benefits of lack of hunger, etc.

**Oh, and I changed my font to KRANKY....seemed appropriate. :o)

Day Three Continued...

Headache...
     So I did pretty well with the hunger issue today, certainly better than I thought I would, especially considering that after our pottery painting expedition the girls decided they wanted to go for ice cream. I went, but of course got nothing. As much as ice cream is a huge temptation for me that really wasn't too bad, nothing like this headache. For the past two days I have slowly been getting a headache and it really reared its ugly head tonight. My head is pounding. I am sure there are probably a lot of reasons for this, stress being only the least of them, but oh man... My dietician did warn me this was a possibility until my body hit a state of ketosis. Come on ketosis....

Food...
     So today was a little better food wise than yesterday.
Breakfast was three eggs and two pieces of turkey bacon. Lunch was 1/2 c. of cottage cheese and broccoli and turkey bacon again. Dinner was 5 oz. of chicken and broccoli. And as soon as I'm done here I will add another Jello onto the list. I think I'm probably finding a new tolerance for the stuff since it is the only option for sweet.

Experiences and Sharing...
     I really hope that if anyone else is reading through this that they will share their own experiences. I always find it easier on a diet (especially of this caliber) to have people who are also experiencing it for discussion. Please feel free to share!

PSMF w/PCOS Day Three -- Pottery without the wine?

Hunger...
     Ok, so obviously this is not the first time I've felt hungry, but it is the first time I woke up feeling hungry enough, and aware enough of what I could/couldn't eat, that I was pretty genuinely grumpy...sorry hunny.
I think that the natural high that you get in the first day, maybe two, of the diet just knowing you are starting a new diet and thinking about all the possibilities has begun to worn off. And the ketosis has not started yet, I checked with my chem strips this morning and it seemed to be reading "trace," so I am not yet enjoying the benefits of lack of hunger and burst of energy.
     Don't misunderstand me, I am aware and accepting of the difficulties that come with starting a new diet. It's hardly news to me. But, so long as I am blogging all about this diet... I will have to bitch about it sometimes too. Where would be the truth if I didn't.

Pottery without the lunch...
     Today I am going pottery painting for a friend's birthday. Luckily no one was able to meet for lunch in the end, because given the mood I woke up in this morning it would not have been pleasant or easy. And hey...maybe the pottery will take my mind off of hunger for awhile. Although, there will probably be wine and that will probably be even harder to resist.... I love wine.

PSMF w/PCOS Day Two -- Protein, data, more protein, graphing, more protein, menus...

Miscalculations...
So today didn't go too badly.

Breakfast:
Two eggs
Two pieces of turkey bacon
Water

Lunch:
1/2 c. of cottage cheese
Serving of broccoli
Two pieces of turkey bacon
Water  & more water

Dinner:
6oz. of chicken
Serving of broccoli
1/4 c. of cottage cheese
Water

Snack: Jello....mmmm.....
     I'll admit, not the ideal breakdown. I miscalculated how much protein I had at breakfast (I thought I had four, but realized at dinner it was only three), and I only had three at lunch as well b/c I was rushing. So I had to fit in 7oz. of protein at dinner.

Menu it up...
     I decided after working all this out in the evening, and remembering that I am also supposed to limit the cottage cheese to 1/2 c. a day and actually had 3/4 c. today, that I need to create my own menu for the next week. I have been sticking to everything in the book, but when I am planning off of a couple different menus mistakes can be made.
     So that is my goal for tomorrow, type out one or two variations of a menu that will be easy to pull from without thinking. All my breakfast options will be 4oz. of protein, lunch the same, but also with a serving of veggies, and dinner will be 5oz. of protein with a serving of veggies.

Data & Graphing...
     I also took a little time today and created a couple different graphs. One graph will show my weight loss total by week. This one I will print out and put on the fridge so I have a little extra motivation. The other graph I have labeled on my computer as PRIVATE! because it will show my current weight each week and I am mortified at the thought of anyone else seeing it, especially and including my husband.

Winding down...
     So now it's the end of a long day filled with meeting the Easter Bunny and seeing Sesame Street Live in Cleveland ---surprisingly enjoyable!  I've had my jello and so I think I should officially call it a night and hope for a good day tomorrow...and definitely hope to see some Ketones!

Day One Continued...

     After a lengthy trip to the grocery store (took so long trying to make sure nothing would interfere with the diet) and stocking up on some essentials for my undertaking of the PSMF, I have now eaten: scrambled eggs w/2% cheese and two pieces of turkey bacon.
     Although my first day didn't exactly go swimmingly in terms of what I ate, I still feel pretty good about it. I have all the necessary foods to get exactly what I should eat, when I should eat it from this point onward. And I didn't eat anything I shouldn't today...just didn't eat enough of what I was supposed to!
     I gave the chem strips a try just for the fun of it. Plus I thought it would be nice to know for comparison purposes. Definitely no ketones being released in this body. Good to know...that hopefully means that when I see that I am testing positive it means results should follow shortly after...
     Looking forward to the end of this weekend and the being of Ketosis when this is all supposed to be much easier...boost of energy, loss of appetite, etc.

**On a side note: Found a really great water enhancer that does not include aspartame (which is limited on this diet) and is zero calorie. It's called Mi0. Would suggest giving it a try if you are looking for a way to get more fluids.

PSMF w/PCOS Day One -- Blogs, babies, and diets

To Blog or not to Blog...  
     I decided to start this blog, not to tell people what works or what doesn't (obviously if I have been at it this long with no real success I am not in the position to say), but to put myself in a position to be accountable to someone/something. Even if it is only my husband - Hi Hunny - and my Dietitian - Hi Sally - who check in on my progress, I still have someone I have to answer to.
     My weight has fluctuated my whole life, and I figure that's ok, even normal. Unfortunately, about 7 years ago I started gaining weight and no matter what I tried I could not lose it! After about two months of sheer panic and frustration I finally went to my doctor...long story short, five doctors later and they finally diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). There wasn't much they could do for me, but at least I had some answers. I was also able to find a diet and exercise routine that kept me from gaining weight.

And then there were babies...
     I am truly blessed and lucky to have two beautiful and mischievous little boys. Aidan is three and Liam is one. I feel especially lucky because I know that having had the diagnosis of PCOS I was worried if I would even be able to have babies.
     God love them, they bring joy to my life, but the also brought fat. About 50lbs. of it to be exact. HOLY COW! That's the G-rated version of what goes through my head every time I step foot on the scale (which if I'm honest has been about 5 times a day lately).
     After a long time of trying countless diets, and having every possible blood test performed on me, I found a doctor and a dietitian and world renowned hospital. They both recommended I try the Protein Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF). And so, willing to give anything a try at this point, I said "Let's do it!"
     This is an extremely rigid, as well as very unbalanced, diet that has to been done under strict doctor supervision. It's actually a little frightening! But, like I said, willing to try anything...

The Diet...
     So PSMF is more or less a lot of protein and almost no fat or carbs, it is also about 800 calories. It's literally low-fat protein and vegetables. Vegetables are your only source of carbs. Everything is restricted...no alcohol, no added fats, no sugar, limited condiments, limited meat and vegetables, limited fake sugars...literally the only thing that is an unlimited or "free" food is head lettuce... yum.
     Oh lets not forget that I can have l can have 1/2 cup of sugar free jello once a day... I hate jello.
I also have to use special chem strips to test my urine for ketones every morning and have a long list of vitamins and supplements necessary to keep me from keeling over!
     On top of that, I have to visit the dietitian every two weeks for the first month to have additional blood work done, then monthly after that.
     On a positive note, this will be a really easy diet in the sense that its so simple. I mean I could basically cook up several pounds of chicken at the beginning of the week and just get out chicken and broccoli for lunch and dinner every day and make and egg and turkey bacon for breakfast. Easy as pie... mmmmm, pie....

Day One:
     Have to say...not off to the best start. My breakfast this morning was going to be two eggs and two pieces of turkey bacon (probably more than I typically eat for breakfast). Unfortunately as I opened the fridge I realized that someone had finished off the eggs and didn't add it to the grocery list...thanks hunny. Sooo, I ate two pieces of turkey bacon and drank A LOT of water.
     Same goes for lunch. No car today so can't get to the Eagle until hubby gets home. To be fair, I'm not really starving, only mildly hungry. Although, I never really had much of an appetite, despite what the number on the scale says...
     So, although my day is not completely finished yet, it's going well enough, and once I get to the grocery store I think it will be looking up significantly!